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Post by Fawkes on Jun 15, 2021 21:49:16 GMT -8
"Sure. You can ask King Samedi and his majesty Nohoilpi." There was a quiet sigh as he shook his head at the thought, "I've learned a lot of Autumn lessons. I think there's secrets for a reason. To sound like the cliché."
When Lucas offered him the food, he seemed to eat it almost mechanically if only to not be rude. Like one of those people that only stopped to eat because it was a basic function that needed to be met.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 15, 2021 21:58:50 GMT -8
Lucas took note of the mechanical eating but he didn't linger on watching Fawkes. He didn't want the other Lost to feel like he was being scrutinized. For his part, the Fairest focused on creating a relaxed, inviting atmosphere. Another lesson he had learned along the way is creating a certain energy in a social situation helped spark the same energy in others in a more natural way, rather than a forceful, overpowering way.
"Something tells me that isn't going to end well for me."
He snickered, taking a moment to picture how that moment would go. The phantasmagoria that floated through his head was filled with horror, shadows, and an unforgiving cold.
"What you're saying makes sense. It's a fine balance, wanting to figure something out and be helpful, but also recognizing that some doors are shut tightly for a reason. Sometimes, the door is shut because it hasn't been oiled in awhile or given any other kind of care, other times, it's meant to seal away whatever lays beneath."
Which one are you, Fawkes?
Lucas looked out towards the city again to avoid trying to unintentionally scrutinize his companion and put him back on edge.
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 15, 2021 23:00:26 GMT -8
"Um. Well. People have and come out fine," he admitted, "It's just not productive. There's a lot of frustration with the stagnation of how the Freehold has been built. But change is really dangerous for us. So it poses a conundrum. And there's a massive gap in knowledge to take an educated position."
He crossed his arms, still looking out as his head cocked, "But then if they die we lose so much. And we're probably worse off than before. The whole lack of succession planning is what's alarming at the end of the day. I think the war threw everything. Like. The High Seasons turning over shook them too much."
It really was like dealing with petty gods.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 15, 2021 23:18:32 GMT -8
Lucas was increasingly impressed at the insight and knowledge Fawkes had. It's not that he ever thought that Fawkes was some dumb hitman that went around and murdered folks for Winter or simply cleaned things up with a brush and called it a day. But he showed a lot of insight that would make him valuable as a Knight as well.
Lucas took a long sip of his drink while he considered his next question. There was an old say that went along the lines of "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission" but Vegas not a forgiving world. There were times when one wanted permission because if they skipped it they would find themselves facing no forgiveness or mercy.
"Can I ask you a personal question? Related to our roles in Winter type person question, not about your hobbies or touchstones."
He maintains his gentle smile and open body language to continue to create the social atmosphere he's aiming for.
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 15, 2021 23:28:07 GMT -8
"You'd know that prompt is meaningless. It always depends on the question," he said, as flat as ever as he opened the beer. Lucas was open and friendly, more than what he was used to, but it needled at him in an unfamiliar way that wired to anxiety. Friendliness meant a lot of things in their culture, and often came with a lot of hooks and machinations.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 15, 2021 23:52:19 GMT -8
"Fair enough. What made you decide to go the route of the Sunbanisher? You've got a lot of occult knowledge that's hard to get outside of Fall. Which makes sense since, y'know, you were in Fall. You could do a lot with that combined with your political savviness, like being a knight."
Lucas munched on several of his chips to give the conversation a moment of pause before he continued.
"This isn't me saying that being a Knight is easy in any capacity and I know I'm using general duty descriptions, but hanging out in a library, reading up on stuff, seems a lot less stressful than having to drink cheap gas station coffee for 72 hours. I don't think I can look at 7-11 the same way ever again."
Enough time had passed since the Reverent Crisis that while parts of it still upset the Gravewight, he could find some humor in the situation as well.
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 16, 2021 9:03:46 GMT -8
Fawkes paused with his drink blinked a few times like Lucas had spouted gibberish at him.
"Um. Sure."
There was an awkward stretch—the thought had honestly never crossed his mind and it was a novel thought exercise.
"I don't consider my skills in the same boat as being a leader. Maybe you should do it." A hollow ring signaled a hum while the Elemental properly reflected on his position. "I do it because I'm good at it. And the idea of someone else doing it makes me nervous. Was there something you wanted to take on. When it comes to the court?"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 16, 2021 9:17:44 GMT -8
Lucas didn't mind the long stretch. He had a plate full of delicious food and a cold bottle of beer to keep himself occupied during the silence.
"Oh? How come?"
Lucas inquired when Fawkes mentioned the idea of other people doing his job made him nervous. A couple of thoughts popped into his head but he wanted to ask rather than making assumptions.
"I would like to be a guardian of sorts for the rites of death. Make sure no one is abusing the cycle. I need to up my occult knowledge more for that. If I'm not able to get to that point, I would like something more social in nature. There's a lot of Lost out there who are hurting and need help processing their grief. I don't want to be a grief counselor, more like a spiritual guide. "
Lucas looked pleased as punched while he spoke. Whether Fawkes meant for it to be a compliment or not, the Fairest was thrilled that Fawkes considered him leadership material on some level.
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 18, 2021 10:48:53 GMT -8
"You'll need to get Blooded," Fawkes pointed out. Lucas had heard the term before; it was a sort of Rite during Yule that involved risking one's life in a harrowing, cursed landscape, while the rest of the Freehold kept symbolic vigil by having a chill holiday at home and being none the wiser. Suicidal or depressed members of the Onyx Court were blocked from participation, as it tainted the magic that was being worked. Rather, they were expected to show dedication by protecting the hearth and reconnecting with what was important. The legend was that they supposedly lost someone every year, but no one remembered as they were stricken from reality.
"As for my leadership skills. Um. I don't think I'm the most patient person. Or do any of the emotional labour involved." He wasn't saying he could be a sharp, abrasive storm of glass shards. "I've been told I get tunnel vision."
The Elemental detected Lucas' preening, and started redirecting attention with a pause to eat and a hard pivot, "Can you explain what you mean by spiritual guide? You want to be a priest of some sort?"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 18, 2021 21:53:40 GMT -8
"With the blooded, is it a case of having active depression symptoms at the time or can you have a history of depression but not be in the midst of a depressive episode?"
Lucas stared down at his chips and dips as he felt his appetite fade away. A small l wave of sorrow that rolled through him as he realized his brain once again could lead to a significant missed opportunity. Was there some kind of goblin contract he could use to try and fix his brain? Or was this his fate? That he had been too touched by death to properly honor it? Heh, he supposed it would serve him right as ultimately he only had himself to blame for becoming a Gravewight.
"No, not like a priest."
Lucas quickly shook his head.
"At least not like priests in mainstream mortal religions. I would like to help Lost find ways to process their grief working with them to create their own personal rituals. There's a lot of research that talks about how we hold trauma in our body. Even if our mind doesn't remember the trauma, our body does. With us, our minds may not remember our time in Arcadia unless we dive deep into the Wyrd, but our bodies do. I bet there are ways we can help our bodies process what has been done to them without having to recall the memories themselves. There are a lot of symbolic gestures that can be done that involve mundane practices, like writing down something you want to let go of, speak it out loud, and then throw it in a fire pit. Motleys could do that together as a bonding experience.
We could fix in some occult with it. Maybe include healing fruits, finding a place that resonates peace, soothing, calmness, and all that. Maybe even work it in with the contract Fortifying Presence. That way, the Lost has not only had a chance to process their grief, but their mind will be better protected from other threats."
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 19, 2021 22:58:55 GMT -8
It sounded like a priest, being a spiritual counselor to a community. But clearly Lucas was going to be insistent that it was totally different. Fawkes roved his attention as the nature of Lucas' concern sailed right over his head.
"Um. More like the King doesn't send people in the Court of Sorrow. On this suicidal rite. When they're suicidal," he said, covering his mouth as he chuckled.
"Not a priest and not a counselor but you're going to grief counsel people in a spiritual way."
Bright eyes blinked, taking a pull from the beer.
"Okay."
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 20, 2021 0:25:01 GMT -8
"Makes sense. "
Lucas murmured as he reflected more on the ceremony. Would be stricken from reality be a such a bad thing? That would be one way to stop existence all together and not have to worry about what waited in the great beyond. The Gravewight found a strange and troubling comfort in knowing that was an option.
And that was exactly why someone like him was barred from participating because at that point it would be like assisted suicide. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind for the time being.
"Here's the thing: with priests and counselors there's a power differntial. A priest is a figure of authority. A counselor is limited in what they share on a personal level.
If we want to use mundane terms I would be more like a peer support specialist. Someone from the same community as those who are grieving, who has experienced intense grief, and is now in recovery. It's similar to someone being an AA sponsor with more training mixed in. The interactions feel more organic than scripted. "
Of course in order to get there he silently understood there were still elements of his struggles with depression that he needed to work through. Depression and bereavement were two different kettle of fish even though they had similar similar symptoms. Regardless of the actual differences, he needed to make sure he could separate the two in his head before supporting others.
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 20, 2021 12:56:21 GMT -8
"So you want to be everyone's friend while you do it?" the Elemental asked. "Is this more or less a roundabout way to feel connected to people?"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jun 20, 2021 13:11:59 GMT -8
The bluntness of Fawkes' assessment and question was jarring. Lucas felt a sharp pang of embarrassment born from anxiety spread through his chest and stomach.
If he wasn't trying to make inroads with Fawkes, he would shut the conversation down all together. However, if he was going to learn anything more from Fawkes in general he needed to be open to being questioned as well. Especially after complaining that he felt like the rest of the court coddled him.
He let out a long exhale after realizing he had been holding his breath for a moment, unconsciously expecting Fawkes to push deeper with his questioning.
"I want to help other Lost process their grief. That's the main drive there. That being said, we all share a unique bond because of the grief we experienced from our Durance. Anything that helps us feel connected to one and other and heal is a good thing, yeah?"
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Post by Fawkes on Jun 20, 2021 13:25:35 GMT -8
"I wasn't questioning the validity," Fawkes said flatly, watching the Fairest breathe.
Whoops.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're trying to do." He blinked, "I was thinking what I've seen with others. If you're trying to make friends and connections with an occupation. It makes rejection and professional distance a shitshow. Aren't you a Fairest?"
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