Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Apr 16, 2021 19:07:38 GMT -8
"You think having my back means you have to put yourself in the line of fire for me? No! I don't want you to do anything like that for me!" She shakes her head, "Why the heck would you even think that? I never ask anyone to put themselves on the line for me. I'm not worth that." It comes out and she doesn't even acknowledge to herself her own little regard for her own life.
"Having my back would be being on my side when arguments might ensue - giving me the benefit of the doubt. Having my back might also be telling my dumb ass that I'm wrong about something. You might be a fighter, Rowan, but I'll never ask you to fight violently for me."
"And who the hell am I comparing you to? How can you tell me not to coddle you but then tell me I can't hold you to the same standards as others? And besides, no one gets a label. I don't compare Kai to Riley or Linden to Archie - everyone is different, has their different personalities. It isn't how you are as a person, Rowan, it is how you treat me." She lets out a slight, sorrowful huff.
Breathe.
"You bring me into these sensitive parts of your life and that's a good thing. I know you don't have to do it and I know that it is special for you, and I don't expect it either. I'm proud of you for those things, it is growth and it is good for you, but that has nothing to do with how you treat me. How you talk to me. The things you do and don't do."
"I do see you, Rowan, I just don't think you see me. You see my accomplishments, the things I've done to survive, but you don't see me."
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Post by Rowan on Apr 17, 2021 11:27:16 GMT -8
Genuine confusion crosses his face. "I never asked you to coddle me! I asked you to be patient. You're the one who decided I was a kid."
The longer the conversation went on, the less she was making sense to him. "How- how is that different?"
"How was asking you to explain not giving you the benefit of the doubt? How is seeing your survival not seeing you? There's no better way to gauge someone's character than by how far they're willing go to live another day. They can even surprise themselves."
Rowan was fully missing decades of his life, at least. His body reacted in ways he didn't even understand and if their trip to the Hedge had taught him something, it was that just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.
"Do you see yourself? Or do you see the idea you have of yourself? I don't know, I don't know what else to tell you.
I'm trying and learning to do better, but it doesn't happen over night. Right now, this is all I can give you. We end up in an argument every time we see each other, so maybe it is for the best that we stop being friends. At least for now, until I'm in a place where I give you more."
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Apr 17, 2021 19:59:31 GMT -8
The Torrent lets out a breath and slowly nods. Nothing she says is going to make this conversation make any sense for the both of them and... that's okay. She's in that odd state now where things are oddly calm. There is that open feeling that is almost the same as when your soul basically leaves your body, but warmer somehow. The kind that you can deal with. She looks over Rowan, her molten eyes taking in this scene, everything.
"Yeah, it'll be better this way. The way we are now, we bring out some of the worst in each other. It's bad for the both of us."
Breathe.
"Not being friends doesn't mean I don't still care about you though, and it doesn't mean I won't pick up the phone if you call. I'm not an asshole," she tries for a moment to bring a little hint of levity to it, even though it all hurts. It is supposed to hurt. This is the pain you are supposed to feel when something you wanted dies. And then her eyes are welling up again. Fuck. She purses her lips and lets out another slow breath.
And then she doesn't entirely know what to do here. They aren't friends anymore, but she doesn't want to leave him alone. At the same time, if she stays it can only get worse between them. "I should probably go then," she says softly, "I can't imagine I make you feel any safer being here. Lucas knows more about the occult than I ever will. I know you two had been talking before. Maybe he could help you get to the bottom of this. I could stay until he comes or someone else comes if you want. It's up to you."
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Post by Rowan on Apr 18, 2021 15:21:17 GMT -8
"You're fine," Rowan answered as his shoulder slumped a little. He deflated, his mind quiet for now. There was a sense of finality that agreed with him. While he was disappointed in the outcome, he at least had one, instead of the endless unknown and minefield.
"Lucas is a nerd. I don't expect him to make anyone feel safe. But if you feel it's better that you leave now, I get it." He brought his hands to his mouth to warm them up. Not that he needed it, but it gave him something to do while he pieced the next sentence.
"I hope some day I'll be able to say for sure that I'll pick up."
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