Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Mar 24, 2021 18:24:28 GMT -8
Rowan's words made her heart drop, her throat tighten a bit. He was going through so much, so much that it was unbearable. In her mind, the fact that he's even talking about this right now shows that he either has come to a point of really trusting her or he is on the edge of a complete collapse, which frankly he is already. Perhaps both?
'I can't keep going either' That kept echoing in her mind. How exactly did he mean that? She'd seen... a lot happen among the Lost. Some just can't handle it and- She'd never let that happen to him. And then he drops the coffee and it makes her jump, almost getting up to help, but he's already rushed on it. She doesn't want to crowd him.
"Hey, Rowan, you've got me, I'm here for you. You can trust me. You don't have to battle this on your own. What do you need right now?" I'll do whatever I can to help. All she wanted to do was hug him. Just stand up and squeeze him tight, because she can't stand to see him like this. But what can she do to help? She can take guesses or she could ask. He wants her to ask, right? That's what the problem was before, right? She'd always assume his needs and coddle him and- everything.
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Post by Rowan on Mar 24, 2021 18:36:43 GMT -8
"I don't know. Whatever this is, I have no idea how to deal with it." He stopped, the rag clenched in his fist, on the table. He'd gone at it alone for almost a year before it all started unravelling. "Every time I try and relax, to tell myself that nothing's gonna happen, I'm wrong. It's like I'm examining all the ways someone could pull a fast one on me at any given time. I'm waiting for danger and looking for escapes."
"I'm trying to change, to get better. But it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I'm selfish and egocentric and manipulative and a hypocrite. Archie called me an abuser and I'm starting to see that. I don't care for people unless they can do something for me, while constantly complaining that I'm being used. I don't even know why you answered the phone after- after last time. I don't know if I would have."
His speech was picking up speed, like a wave headed for the shore. He could hear blood rushing in his ears and his heart beating in his skull. It was hard to breathe. Discarding the useless rag, Rowan gripped his chest and tried to calm down. He couldn't. 'Get it together! Stop whining and do something!' Do what? He'd tried everything and came up short. Maybe that was exactly the problem - he just wasn't good enough.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Mar 24, 2021 19:25:36 GMT -8
Danica has to bite her lip as that last line cuts her. He might not have picked up if she called... that brings a whole kind of hurt that she doesn't even want to get into. Does he- does he know how cutting that- nope. Focus on him. This isn't about your hurt.
She stands up then and walks over to squat beside him, fuck space. If she's far away, what can she do? "I answered because I meant what I said about caring about you. Genuinely, I do. You're my friend and I'm going to do whatever I can do support you." There is a resolve in her voice, because every bit of it is true. She doesn't half-ass friendships.
"You think so little of yourself, Rowan. I get it. I don't know how to convince you that you are more than worth it, but I'll say it again. You are. And I know you've been working on yourself. Something is causing you a roadblock. We need to figure out what it is." She takes a moment and looks around briefly before saying, "You live alone, right? Have you considered a roommate?" She blinks, she didn't mean it as any kind of suggestion that they roommate up or anything. "I just know that being alone can just really fuck with the mind, especially when things are still so fresh. Being alone can amplify... everything. It gives the mind time to fester and you don't have someone there to tell you when things are happening, if they are real or not."
And if he is feeling the way he is feeling about life, he probably shouldn't be alone period at the moment.
"And, to clarify, I'm not saying anything you are experiencing is fake. I know you. You're into weird occult craziness and so something wyrd is more than likely going on. Tell me about it. I know some bits of occulty things. Maybe there is something I might know that you don't."
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Post by Rowan on Mar 25, 2021 18:40:05 GMT -8
Everything was happening go fast. His thoughts were getting crowded, each new one trying to scream over the others and it was getting louder and-
There she was. So close, he could feel her Mantle on his skin. The soft crackle-pop of a campfire. Rowan would have laughed if he hadn't been so desperate. Maybe there is something I might know that you don't. Excuse you!? This wasn't kindergarten. Did she really think that he hadn't-
Stop it. She's trying to help. Is she? She hangs out with them. Come on! That's just ridiculous. Still. She's messing with things she doesn't understand. Isn't that precisely what you've been doing? Screw you. Show her. Give her a chance.
He took a deep sigh. "Bet." What did he have to lose anyway. "It's about the Wards; they don't make any sense to me. I know that they are anchored in the underworld and fed by the Seasonal Rites, but that's about it. It's all necromancy, thought. Once you swear the Oath, you can't use Glamour outside of their influence. I've never read about anything like that."
"People are just walking around like it's no big."
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Mar 25, 2021 22:21:47 GMT -8
She sits down on the floor, taking in his words and takes a moment to consider. It's complicated, so she words it out loud.
"The wards that protect the Freehold have some weird ass magic. The oath that we take to become a part of it messes with our ability to use glamour outside of its influence." she blinks, trying to connect the dots, "Wards are anchored in the underworld, necromancy and the like - the seasonal rites... renew them? First of all, the underworld thing is immediately sus" She makes a face, trying to consider new ideas.
"Huh... I wonder if that has anything to do with the ghost activity we've been dealing with. Weird thought, but what if our glamour on top of the seasonal rites are what feed it? Like, maybe part of the reason they don't want us to use glamour outside of it isn't just for the 'protection'. Maybe our glamour is a tithe to it. Okay, maybe just my weird video game musings there."
She just keeps going though, a creative mind full of curious thoughts. "It is really weird though. I've never heard of any kind of thing where a Freehold restricts glamour beyond the Freehold. It's weird. Kind of unnatural. I hadn't thought of it before like that... brings my brain back to Yazzie." She scrunches her eyebrows and suddenly wonders if she's been super not careful with this oath she swore to the Freehold. And then Yazzie... it could make sense depending on what it is all about. Do I know anything that might actually be helpful? Might give something that'll add.
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Post by Krakenbox on Mar 25, 2021 23:30:37 GMT -8
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Mar 27, 2021 23:53:39 GMT -8
She continues thinking, "And on the haunting, I mean... could it be a curse? We have those, right? Then again, we have necromancy, so of course we have curses," she shakes her head a little and makes a face as she continues thinking, "I know from - don't laugh - lots of witch shows that hauntings can also come from cursed items. Like, if you took something or if someone else put something here to haunt you."
"Is there anyway to pin point something like that? Maybe we could search around. It couldn't hurt." She lets out a little breath then, "I'm sorry if this is super basic. I'm not the brainy one, but I just- I just want to help however I can. You don't deserve this bullshit. No one does."
"Do you- Do you maybe want to take a nap first though? Well, I know you probably won't- No, I won't speak for you. Sorry. What do you think?" He really was exhausted and at least with her being there, he's less likely to get attacked by something. At least, that's what she hopes.
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Post by Rowan on Mar 28, 2021 15:07:31 GMT -8
He gave her a Look. Rowan was very good at giving Looks. How could she expect him to sleep at a time like this?
"I was texting Tanner. The clock on my phone kept resetting to 3:33 AM, even though Tanner kept saying it was 11 on his end. The lights turned on. Unless someone overlayed a bunch of Contracts, I have no idea how that was pulled off. I say haunted because it's the simplest way of putting it. I don't actually know if it's ghosts or not." With eyes scurrying every which way, Rowan was trying to convey how utterly inconceivable it was for him to not understand something occult. All that was missing was the tin foil hat to look like a proper conspiracy nut.
"I think it was my phone. It was giving off all kinds of Weird Vibes when I Kenned it. I broke it before leaving." He pointed to his room, where Dani could see a line of white granulated powder around the door's threshold. "Oh my God, Tanner..."
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Mar 29, 2021 20:23:46 GMT -8
Dani puts her hands up in a 'yeah, I know.' kind of way.
"Oh, that's some Chakushin Ari bullshit right there," she shivers and grimaces, "At least you aren't hearing your death over the phone. Just... big ol' oof." She shakes her head. No, no think...
"There is some bullshit happening in other dimensions, right? I know Gravewights can remove ghosts and the like. They don't exactly exist on our plane of existence, right? Ghosts, I mean. And you can turn into a Gravewight, right? Though... it's Helldivers that go into other dimensions? I remember that from Agrippa." She pauses, "I know, I'm just throwing crap out there. You know a heck of a lot more than I do."
She looks to the area Rowan is looking and raises an eyebrow, "Huh? What's up-? Shit, Tanner could be trying to get ahold of you. Have you spoken to him since? Or is there something else?"
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Post by Rowan on Mar 30, 2021 16:10:53 GMT -8
"That, or he snitched. He's part of this Entitlement now, who knows what he'll do to stay. Oh, did I tell you that he's actually an addict? He lied about his insurance. It was actually Aello who flushed down all his pills, so he sent me to get him more. So if he lied about that, what else could he lie about? I trusted him."
He stood up and started pacing the room. "You don't get it. I know a heck lot more, and I have no idea what's going on. Ghosts, contracts, hobgoblins, I ran countless scenarios to try and understand this. I. Don't. Know."
"It's like someone doesn't want me looking too closely at the Freehold Oath and the Wards. Which means I'm on the right track." He started hypothesizing to himself, as if Dani wasn't even there. "Twilight. Twilight. There's the Twilight and there's the underworld. What in between? What could possibly exist in between?"
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Apr 1, 2021 1:24:03 GMT -8
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rowan," Danica starts to see the depth of it all now. He isn't lying about the bigger statements - the factual things. What is scary are his countless paranoid hypotheses. "Hey. Snap out of it. Rowan, you are literally driving yourself into a panic attack." Her voice is worried, scared. Fuck fuck fuck. I said before there was something really wrong, but shit, I have no doubt about it now. But... sometimes conspiracies are right but.
"Fuck - Rowan, we are wee little mantle 1 nothing little shits. We don't know shit because we aren't privileged to know shit and that's okay." It was getting hard to find the right words, "You are paranoid, delusional, grasping onto every little thing as if they all connect - and I'm not saying this in an insulting way. We need to get you to talk to someone. A doctor who can check you out. Someone who isn't in Autumn, cause I have an odd feeling that is only going to make it worse." She didn't know how he'd respond to it, she just hope he'd listen.
"We need to get you help, see someone, talk to someone. There may be something deeper, something affecting your clarity - it happens." She did her best to be persuasive, maybe something in her words will click. She's being honest with him, he just needs to see that. Right?
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Post by Rowan on Apr 1, 2021 16:56:35 GMT -8
Rowan stopped dead in his tracks. His mania seemed to be gone for now, replaced with absolute focus on the Elemental. The silence stretched uncomfortably, unbearably, between them. He didn't blink, simply staring at Dani with his two void-for-eyes. When he finally spoke, his words were slow and calculating.
"You have exactly one chance to explain why you're trying to separate me from my Court. The only reason I'm even giving you that much is because we decided on a fresh start." The Hollow responded to its master's hostility. The sunlight dimmed as heavy grey clouds rolled over the sky. The varnish started to brown and flake from the table as colours drained from the environment. From a lovely, warm cabin, everything changed to match the abandoned exterior.
She always did that. Imbolc, the camping trip, now. She always cornered him in a situation that he couldn't escape. Even if he left the Hollow now, where would he go? This was his home, he had invited her in, and now she was trying to keep him for herself. Was it for his knowledge? It had to be, Rowan had nothing else of worth. Sure, by Fall's standard, he was nothing special, just another occultist in a Court choke-full of them. However, for the other Seasons, his mind was a treasure trove of information, lore and insight.
And Dani was trying to keep it all for herself.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Apr 1, 2021 20:57:09 GMT -8
He looks at her with those voice eyes and it just freaks her out. And then the Hollow starts shifting. It's... it's terrifying. "Separate you from- You're spouting paranoid bullshit about your own court. Why would you go to the place you are paranoid about? Of course I would suggest another court because you don't trust your own. Clearly."
Danica goes very still and stands up, pursing her lips. That second line. The only reason I'm even giving you that much... And then she just nods and walks to the door of the Hollow.
"But fuck it. I am the only person trying to help you right now. You've pushed everyone else away and you're doing the same to me," She shakes her head and she doesn't look at him. "You aren't going to listen to me no matter what I say." She doesn't realize it until then, but there are tears streaming down her face.
It just keepings ringing in her head. Go ahead and dangle that over my head... No. I'm not having that. You can't say we're having a fresh start and then throw it in my face like that. It isn't- it isn't. And she just starts to break down. She doesn't even entirely know why, she just... does. "Fuck it if this friendship dies. I don't want it to, but if me talking about going and tapping someone to get you looked at means that you are going to go nuts on me, then fine. It'll be what it is. I'm calling someone, whether you like it or not. And if you hate me for it afterwards, fine. I don't care." She doesn't mean half the words coming out of her mouth aside from knowing she is going to call someone that can help him. He can cry and kick and scream, but he's not going to get to ignore it anymore.
Then she opens the door and just stops, "Why did you even call me in the first place?" She's just looking out the doorway and she knows she should just walk out, but it physically hurts. "And why is it that I'm the only one in this friendship who would come here, knowing you would never do the same for me? You said it. You wouldn't have even answered the phone. I'm a fucking idiot." She grips the frame of the door, having trouble breathing from the stress of all of it. And then she forces herself to take a step out.
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Post by Krakenbox on Apr 1, 2021 22:05:17 GMT -8
Say what you want about Torrents, but their common theme was the certainty of their drive. Trying to stop the storm and snuffing the spark with binding words and social contracts paralleled their personal terror on a visceral level that the others couldn't understand. And so, as Firebringer weathered Rowan's sickness with a second wave of fierce doubt that denied her nature, the Ifrit's fire sputtered and compressed.
From the day that the Darkling had terrorized her bubbly direction in the car as the gift of hardening naiveté, she felt the cold needle to the heart that started a Question, shaken to her core about her safety among the community from a source she didn't comprehend. The Elemental had asserted her will over the other, reminding him of her strength, and from her perspective, they moved forward as equals.
The second time was Imbolc, when she had been fit to explode, but the Wyrd spun a new reality that told her she was in the wrong trying to defend him. The Torrent was moved away from her sparking relationship to follow his lead and stand in his shadow as she hoped he could repair what she couldn't with her own force of will.
But Firebringer's sheer determination had held—how could it not? She decided they were friends, and that was how it was going to be. She was the torch and hearth through the desert's tyranny, in pure defiance of the destruction her Keeper had made her. Then was the time to seal, taking Rowan to the place where she was powerful, and where they had triumphed and lived together, as equals. And he called her clingy.
Now she stood in his house, still desperate for him to see her, as the very fabric of his reality told her she wasn't welcome. The wood around her rotted from dead flame, the air spent and void of life as her energy choked it to keep her from suffocating. As the shadow of her trauma overtook her in blackening soot, she dragged the light and heat with her, allowing the Snowskin's freeze to crush her spirit.
I'm a fucking idiot.
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Post by Rowan on Apr 2, 2021 14:53:04 GMT -8
While Dani went off about how she doesn't care, Rowan returned to the table, now old and withered, and sat down. How many times would he feel like this: cornered, attacked, tired. He let her vent, for as long as she needed, until that final moment when her foot crossed the threshold.
"I called you because I didn't feel safe and I was hoping thing between us have changed. But screw that, because you're still telling me what to do."
He pushed the coffee aside, the milk in it curdled and rancid. Rowan didn't shout, didn't lower his voice. Stick to the facts, no feelings. "You know I'm looking for someone to talk to, but I'm incapable of doing that on my own, am I?"
What were his options? Ignoring it, walking away, talking it out. He'd try all that before.
Tell them to stop.
"Bet. If I'm such a burden to you, then leave. Because you're not doing this for me. If you were, I would have a say in it."
There were so many things he was trying to convey - how she made him feel small and helpless all the time. How everything had to be on her terms, how she always needed to be right. She always took all the space, leaving him grasping for air and freedom. By the looks of it, Rowan was older than Dani, and by a good amount, but she still found a way to treat him like a child. 'You're like my little brother.' The words echoed in his mind like a ricochet.
He couldn't find the words. They were muddled and tangled in his throat. She wouldn't understand. How could she? He had told her these things before and it didn't matter. Her hug had turned into a grapple while he wasn't looking and no amount of Glamour could break her hold.
She wanted him all to herself, like a sick perversion of a family. To placate whatever damage she was carrying around. Just because Firebringer looked well-adjusted didn't mean she actually was.
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