Post by Firebringer on Jul 25, 2021 17:17:56 GMT -8
Staring at the full length mirror in front of her door.
I could do it. I could jump anywhere. Be anywhere. It’s just a little glamour and strength of will away. Could go home. Could go somewhere new. Start over. Wouldn’t that be easier? Go and be out of the spotlight, stop being at the front lines, stop being where death seems to follow, where Keepers sit at the doorsteps. Just stop?
Can I just stop?
I don’t have the energy anymore.
I feel like I’m running in circles, trying to figure out who I am, what I am, what I’m supposed to be doing and I’ve gotten nowhere or even gone backwards.
What am I doing?
I’m doing nothing. Nothing I’m doing accomplishes anything. I fought with every last bit of my energy and Linden died and there was nothing I could do about it.
No, no. You aren’t doing nothing. You are healing. You can’t get along with how you are now. You’ll only do more damage to yourself and others. It’s okay to take time. It sucks, but time really is what is needed. That little voice in her head, always seems to chime in. The good one. The one that tries to keep her level. It's hard to be level right now though
It would be nice if people would just stop asking me how I am. Stop coming up to me to tell me they understand or that they can’t imagine what I’m going through or offer help etc. etc. etc. They don’t get it. It’s empty words no matter how much they might think they mean them.
It seems pointless, doesn’t it? Fighting so hard and they just keep coming. Each one, just a different face of the same source.
How did I do it before? How did I just jump into battle, jump into danger and think nothing of it. It was my duty, right? But then, what else can I do? I’m made for battle.
But you are made for more than just battle. You wouldn’t be an Ifrit if your whole job was to make steam and eat people.
Fire looks down at her hands, looks back up into the mirror. She takes a long moment to take in her appearance, her molten eyes, the way her skin is cracked with glowing embers beneath. Lately, she’s wondered if she is beginning to sprout horns with a couple of ridges she’s noticed at the sides of her head. Not really noticeable, but to someone who spends as much time as she does brooding in front of a mirror, it’s very much there. If she'd had hair, maybe she wouldn't have even noticed it. A gift of the Wyrd perhaps?
Then what the hell was my purpose? I’m an element of Fire, but what the hell does it mean to be an Ifrit? What is an Ifrit?
She looks off to the side and she’ll admit that she hardly knows. It isn’t like she has ever taken the time to really research her kith. It’s always just meant that she’s intimidating, sometimes demon-like. The only mention of Ifrit she can pull from her mind is Final Fantasy. Hellfire, demonic horns, fiery fire fire.
Maybe part of this break I take time to figure that stuff out. Take time to learn more. It feels like it's the only thing I can do these days.
Take a break. Breathe. Form relationships and bonds. Let others take care of the rest.
Yes. Take a break.
I could do it. I could jump anywhere. Be anywhere. It’s just a little glamour and strength of will away. Could go home. Could go somewhere new. Start over. Wouldn’t that be easier? Go and be out of the spotlight, stop being at the front lines, stop being where death seems to follow, where Keepers sit at the doorsteps. Just stop?
Can I just stop?
I don’t have the energy anymore.
I feel like I’m running in circles, trying to figure out who I am, what I am, what I’m supposed to be doing and I’ve gotten nowhere or even gone backwards.
What am I doing?
I’m doing nothing. Nothing I’m doing accomplishes anything. I fought with every last bit of my energy and Linden died and there was nothing I could do about it.
No, no. You aren’t doing nothing. You are healing. You can’t get along with how you are now. You’ll only do more damage to yourself and others. It’s okay to take time. It sucks, but time really is what is needed. That little voice in her head, always seems to chime in. The good one. The one that tries to keep her level. It's hard to be level right now though
It would be nice if people would just stop asking me how I am. Stop coming up to me to tell me they understand or that they can’t imagine what I’m going through or offer help etc. etc. etc. They don’t get it. It’s empty words no matter how much they might think they mean them.
It seems pointless, doesn’t it? Fighting so hard and they just keep coming. Each one, just a different face of the same source.
How did I do it before? How did I just jump into battle, jump into danger and think nothing of it. It was my duty, right? But then, what else can I do? I’m made for battle.
But you are made for more than just battle. You wouldn’t be an Ifrit if your whole job was to make steam and eat people.
Fire looks down at her hands, looks back up into the mirror. She takes a long moment to take in her appearance, her molten eyes, the way her skin is cracked with glowing embers beneath. Lately, she’s wondered if she is beginning to sprout horns with a couple of ridges she’s noticed at the sides of her head. Not really noticeable, but to someone who spends as much time as she does brooding in front of a mirror, it’s very much there. If she'd had hair, maybe she wouldn't have even noticed it. A gift of the Wyrd perhaps?
Then what the hell was my purpose? I’m an element of Fire, but what the hell does it mean to be an Ifrit? What is an Ifrit?
She looks off to the side and she’ll admit that she hardly knows. It isn’t like she has ever taken the time to really research her kith. It’s always just meant that she’s intimidating, sometimes demon-like. The only mention of Ifrit she can pull from her mind is Final Fantasy. Hellfire, demonic horns, fiery fire fire.
Maybe part of this break I take time to figure that stuff out. Take time to learn more. It feels like it's the only thing I can do these days.
Take a break. Breathe. Form relationships and bonds. Let others take care of the rest.
Yes. Take a break.