Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 16, 2021 21:36:08 GMT -8
Life has been exhausting. Too much going on, too many people trying to butt into her life to tell her how sorry they are. Too many people thinking their empty words do anything but constantly make her revisit pains. It puts her in a bad way. The only person who probably gets it is Rowan and she'd love to just talk a little to someone who isn't going to make it all commissary. She doesn't want to commiserate, she wants... well, she wants answers. She doesn't know if it is the time for it though. Time takes, well, time. She arrives at the coffee shop and orders herself a dirty chai and a few madeleines and looks for a place to sit down in a nice, conspicuous area. Not that the coffee shop is busy anyway. As she sits down, she adjusts her loose, black jean shorts and then sets the hair of her shoulder length curly brown wig behind her ear. She'll feel forever grateful that she has the funds to get well made wigs. Then again, a horrible, pink synthetic wig can give just as much joy. Taking a sip of her chai, she takes a bit to just relax. No use being tense, even though she is nervous. They really haven't talked much in months, but that's life. Nothing she can do about it now. That's how life has felt lately. A stream of backing down from any kind of conflict. She just doesn't have the energy or strength for it. Sometimes it just scares her too, which is new. Time. Time and finding healthy coping mechanisms. She has to remind herself of that a few times over, but it doesn't always stick. Maybe one day it will. Rowan
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Post by Rowan on Jul 16, 2021 21:59:37 GMT -8
First Archie, then Dani. Did Rowan need to change his phone number? Nah, probably not. Not yet.
The difference was that once upon a time, he cared about Dani, before it all went to shit. He had thought about giving her a call after he started talking to Mitch, but never got around to doing it. Apologies were just words and words didn't solve these things. Not really. Maybe it was time to put in some work. Tentatively.
Pushing the door to the coffee shop open, he looked around for the Torrent. Spotting her, he waved slightly before going to order an iced coffee. He was wearing simple cargo shorts and a baseball t-shirt that stated 'Bibbidi bobiddi bye Felicia'. His bounty of bean juice in hand, he plopped down onto a chair at Dani's table. He looked at her in silence, trying to come up with something cool or clever to say.
"'Sup?"
Genius.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 16, 2021 22:17:12 GMT -8
Hearing Rowans voice, she looks up and can't help but snicker a little at his shirt. "Quality," She notes with a faint smile and then sighs a little, her fingers smoothing over her cup, feeling the ridges of the cup's cardboard heat blocking thing. She never could remember the names of those things, even though she worked at a coffee shop. They had a serial number and Randy usually handled the rest.
"Sup back though." I'd say long time no see, but that's not true. And we don't entirely want to think about that right now. "I didn't realize I needed caffeine until I sat down. Coffee was a good idea."
She's pleasant and almost a little soft spoken, but it doesn't sound overly odd, just more subdued. Maybe even calmer? In reality, reality sucks and it is just easier to ride it than fight against it right now.
"What have you been up to?" Might as well start with something. And something that isn't 'how are you' or other weird starter phrases. One supposes What's up is similar, but at least it gets you to a topic.
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Post by Rowan on Jul 18, 2021 4:35:49 GMT -8
“I’ve been talking to Mitch, mostly.” He didn’t want to get into the details. He didn’t want it to get difficult. “He suggested I do some community service so I’ve been doing that.” He took a sip of coffee before continuing. Except, there wasn’t anything else to say. On regular days, his life wasn’t that exciting.
Except on days when he was causing crises for the Freehold.
Dani was being quieter than what he remembered, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask about it. There was a very distinct possibility it would lead to some heavy discussion that he didn’t feel like having.
“What about you?” He was really tempted to just get into the actual reason they had met, but social etiquette demanded Rowan reciprocate.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 18, 2021 9:27:10 GMT -8
"You too, huh?" Well, Mitch is pretty much the Freehold Therapist. "I've also been hanging with Mitch, trying to just... get myself sorted," she didn't feel like getting into it. They both know what that means without much other context needed. Especially given everything else going on.
"I've just been trying to keep myself busy. Might try and see about helping Nimbus with his community project," For Agrippa, of course. It makes her chest tighten a little bit, hurting. She wasn't going to break down, not right now. She can save it for later. Always later.
She pauses then and brings a hand up to her wig, smoothing her fingers through the curls, "People never seem to just stop, do they?" She just wanted to get it out in the open at this point. "Do you feel like people just keep coming up to you, trying to empathize, but it all just feels so fake? How are you? God, I'm so tired of people asking it." Normally, her voice would be doing that naggy, make fun of kind of voice, but she just sounds tired. Quiet and tired.
She knows he gets it. It's what she'd been doing to him before, "People just try to make you open up instead of you choosing to. I realize how guilty of it I am too, but damn. People think they are entitled to your sob story." She takes a sip of her chai and then sighs a little, "Not trying to vent all over you, just want to brood around someone who gets it."
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Post by Rowan on Jul 18, 2021 15:24:09 GMT -8
He shrugged. "I just tell it how it is.Hit the with the 'Yeah, no, I'm not good. Most days I feel like I'm watching a movie about my life. On really bad days, I can barely function because I can't tell the difference between what's my body and what's not.' If they have no intention of taking my feelings into consideration, why should I?"
He took a extra long sip, complete with loud, obnoxious slurping. "They usually leave me alone after that."
"They're not doing it for me, anyway." There was an edge of disdain in his voice, piercing his general aloofness. "Mitch's good people though. He cares."
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 18, 2021 16:54:09 GMT -8
She can't help but chuckle a little at his slurping and then she sighs, "It's so they feel better that they checked." Was that shady? Yes. Did she also mean it? Yes. "It also helps that you give off the spook." Given Autumn and all. "I might just make people a little sweaty." She knows she can be intimidating, but lately, she doesn't think even on first glance anyone would even get that.
"You're right though. Mitch is good people, he kind of just gives you that vibe right off." She takes another long sip of her drink, taking a moment to just relax with it. This is nice. Weirdly.
She looks off to the side and out the window for a moment, as she does, she catches that bit of shadows moving in the peripherals of her vision. Speaking of spook though. "You've gotten stronger. Congrats." That probably sounded a little weird, "The uh, spook about you."
There is a twinge of jealousy there in the back of her mind. She's still exactly the same. She's sworn with a knight like everyone else and they've all gotten stronger, but she's just not. She's exactly the same.
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Post by Rowan on Jul 23, 2021 15:14:55 GMT -8
Rowan put down his drink and gave Dani a levelled look. The last thing he wanted was to get dragged back in, but maybe things didn't have to be the same.
Clearly, the Torrent was struggling. It was difficult to say what was she struggling with, exactly, but she was definitely having a rough go. People usually gave words of comfort at this time, but the Darkling didn't believe in that. He tried to understand what it was that Dani was feeling - he had come all the way here, might as well.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 25, 2021 10:51:08 GMT -8
She watches Rowan look at her and she isn't entirely sure why, "Uh, do I have something on my face?" She asks, touching her face, wondering if she had something on her lip from the coffee.
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Post by Rowan on Jul 26, 2021 15:29:33 GMT -8
"What do you want?" He took a moment to consider his words and realized that maybe they didn't carry the meaning he had intended. "Not like, from me, just in general. I've only ever seen you react to shit. Do you have any plans, any goals?"
"You can't let yourself get bogged down in the moment. You're allowed to take some time to come to terms with what happened, but I won't do you any good if you never move on. The situation isn't going to change unless you do something about it. Spring has the right of it, sometimes. Desire is important."
"That pretentious British guy on Netflix too. What is it that you desire..."
He wasn't trying to be mean, or dismiss Dani's feelings. But someone needed to tell her things the way they were.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 26, 2021 20:29:27 GMT -8
It takes her a moment to think about it. Really think about it. What does she want?
"I want to understand why it had to happen. I want to understand what we even got from it, understand if it was justified. I want to know the truth, even though I know I'll never get it."
She sighs a little bit, continuing to think about how to word it, "It's like I can't fight anymore. I feel like shit perpetually, but even beyond that, it's like I'm changing. It's like this whole thing has kicked out pieces of me that I didn't know existed there."
That is a piece that bothers her. It feels like she's shifting away, away from who she was as a Summer. So, who is she now? She doesn't know and it's been bothering her now for weeks. Will it ever stop or will she need to try something new? Something different?
"It isn't that I don't want to move on. I want to, but I can't until I understand it. I need to know what happened. I don't get it all, the occult parts of it, but I want to. If I can't fight it with my fists, I want to be able to fight it with my brain. Turn it around. Strike in a different way.
"And it feels weird because I've rarely ever felt this way before."
She sighs again and takes a sip of her drink, recalculating and he can see that in her eyes. "My goals are to study, learn more about who I am, what I am, focus on the parts of me that are weaker, that I've let sit without exercise. Fuck, experiment with what feels right. I've been talking to Lucas about paranormal things. I want to learn about that. I want to understand what I saw, what I experienced in when we were with the Hags. You know? Is that weird? It feels weird and different.
"I also just... I feel like I'm being left behind and I need something to push me forward. But I feel like that forward is the wrong forward. I don't know why my connection with my Season is so weak when everyone else is getting stronger. Am I wrong for it? Am I just not pursuing it the right way? I don't know..."
"Sorry for the word vomit. I've had a lot of thoughts."
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Post by Rowan on Jul 28, 2021 16:39:08 GMT -8
"Tell Bastille to ask Icarus for a copy of my report. Everything I know is in there." Rowan swore silently at his inability to handle Oaths. Now, he had to dance around in circles just to get some facts across.
Jealousy stung him a little. Dani had been talking to Lucas about supernatural things? Funny. As far as occult knowledge went, Rowan was pretty confident he had the Fairest beat. Then he remembered that unlike him, Lucas hadn't burned all his bridges in a fit of paranoid delusion. He slurped some more.
"You're talking to someone who tries a new shapes like new clothes. I know change, and so do you." He looked around to see if anyone was listening and then lowered his voice. "You were a fire, for fuck's sake. You lost your flesh and then found it again. You changed in the Hedge as well, with the Hags, and you're still made it. This too shall pass."
Ooof, that got biblical a little too fast.
"It's not a race, Dani, you can't force these things. Just ask Lucas about it." Crap, that came out a little harsher than he had intended. He closed his eyes for a moment. "Look, if you want to try new things, go ahead, I'm all for it."
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 28, 2021 19:55:07 GMT -8
"I appreciate that you think I'm far stronger than I actually am." There is an odd niceness there. It isn't as if she disagrees with anything he's said, but there is a but in there whether she needs to say it or not. "I know at some point these feelings will pass, hopefully, but I need to figure out things in the meantime. Maybe it's weird that... Eh, nevermind."
It feels stupid. It reminds her of that ridiculous song she heard her sister sing once. 'Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but I have been changed for good.' She doesn't really remember the whole line, but that's what stuck.
"I really fucking hate Bonnie right now." That's plain and simple. Yes, she often forgets she can't even talk about it. Sometimes she wonders if she just breaks the Oath if she could just seek simple forgiveness and get it over with?
Whether there is a jealousy there or not between Rowan and Lucas, she can't find it in his voice or demeanor when he speaks about him.
She sighs and shakes her head given his mentions about Lucas. "Lucas is great for the ghost stories, which I'm interested in. You were there with me, you know more about the topics we've dealt with than he likely ever will." She wasn't saying Lucas was lesser by any means, but their specialties were different. That is something to be appreciated differently.
"And that's the thing. You're right. You can and do change at the drop of a hat. That's why I thought you might get what I mean better than anyone else. I also don't know what new I can even try at this point."
The thing is, for better or worse, her fate seems to be tied in with Rowan's no matter what she does. Bridges burned, they still end up tagging on missions together, still going through hell together. Friendship or not, you can't untangle what they've been through and you'll never be able to fully burn it.
Then it's a weird question, but she feels the need to ask. Maybe the context will help her better understand. "What's it like being someone who subscribes to Fall?" She should shield her speech a bit better, shouldn't she? She never did look much into the other courts when she got out. She hardly knows shit about Winter, Spring, and Autumn, just has opinions that are uninformed like the rest.
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Post by Rowan on Jul 28, 2021 20:37:07 GMT -8
He stops slurping and puts down his cup. Either he can't get a read on Dani, or he doesn't care enough to actually try, but he doesn't get it.
"That's a very complex and multi-leveled question. What exactly do you need to know? Otherwise we'll be here all week."
He hated the way she talk. The self-pity, the insecurity. What had happened to the Danica he had seen in his vision, the one at the alter in the Hedge? There was no way it had all been burnt out, or the Torrent would never have made it back. Rowan realized that he was frowning and relaxed his brow - that particular conversation was definitely something he didn't want to deal with.
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Firebringer
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Elemental Ifrit, Presence 3 (Intimidating)
Posts: 634
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Post by Firebringer on Jul 28, 2021 20:48:10 GMT -8
Dani opens her mouth and then closes it again. To a degree, she doesn't even know what she wants to know. She takes a sip of her coffee again and then purses her lips as she thinks. I don't even know where to start.
"I don't know shit about the other seasons." And then it just comes out of her mouth. A thought she hadn't really even processed yet. "I'm trying to figure out if I should switch to another, but I don't even know where to start with it. So, I want to learn. I guess, to narrow... what would you tell someone who would be looking to join?" If Summer isn't favoring her, maybe it is because it wants her to consider a new avenue. It's what Riley did, wasn't it? And now they're happy where they are. Fire just isn't.
Maybe Autumn or Winter would be a better fit? Hell, maybe she should even consider Spring, but she's never felt quite right with that. But then again, she just doesn't know yet.
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