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Post by Gavin Graves on May 11, 2022 19:06:23 GMT -8
"I have this uncanny knack for learning a thing that immediately begins to apply to the people around me and then worrying about it. I should never ever open a medical text." Blunting his truth with humour.
"I know the feeling. I'm prone to acting first, hoping I didn't leave a disaster behind me causing me to freak out, and then back-filling as needed afterward. But if I know about a thing ahead of time, then I can point my instincts at least in the right cardinal direction and prevent the disaster from happening in the first place."
Laughing nervously at the joking dismissal, "Let's hope then that is all it would consider to be active use of the knowledge. Keep it from escalating." The Beast wasn't entirely convinced of his own downplay of the scenario.
"Yeah, that plan works by me." Considering for a moment, "You're mostly right about us not crossing paths much with Fawkes. I did help him get back on his feet after that one injurious coma. He helped me handle 'owning' some bigwig gangster's kid's supercar after a silly bet without people coming to try and break my legs."
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Post by Mitchell Carr on May 20, 2022 20:49:20 GMT -8
The Emerald seemed reassured by Gavin outlining his background with the Elemental. Mitch grinned, shrugging as he glanced at the table, "Sweet, okay. A place more contained or some wiggle room for magic would probably be best just so he doesn't feel trapped but also lets us respond without being hamstrung. As for the Angel, I mean, your concern is valid. It's why we have your court and it's good to remind people once in a while."
The Fairest smoothed his hair, reflecting on how balance feeding the Autumn's paranoia but also trying to honour what Gavin was trying to do for him. "I've survived the last few times and learned the beats of its movements. I can keep up now, I think, and my skill's improved more than it has since I escaped with these encounters. It really isn't a social creature or can bring itself to engage in conversation with...others...it's too disgusted by the whole situation?" He seemed pretty confident on his read of a monstrosity with no face or form for body language cues. "But if you know how to stop it from reconstructing and the Keeper isn't just going to make another, I'm down to try."
There was a quiet challenge hanging that the Dancer was waiting to grab onto. Mitch took a drink of the water on the table, where it was clear he was trying to sound reasonable but the disconnect with danger was eerie for Gavin's instincts. It was like the Fairest couldn't register that this was asinine to tempt his life on, despite the man sounding reasonable and literally advising other Lost to caution in the past. However, Mitch was the furthest thing from suicidal after the quest of the Icon...and the Autumn's Mantle whispered with occult patterns familiar by his own motleymate.
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Post by Gavin Graves on May 20, 2022 23:21:42 GMT -8
"Yeah, we can pick a spot that will absorb some Torrent abuse and not tweak him from the outset." Gavin was somewhat relieved to hear his concerns had landed as intended.
He paused and smiled as the waiter delivered their meals, taking a moment to savour the spicy fragrance. "Thanks"
"Here's the thing. You can't really stop it from reconstructing. It will always be what it is until it completes its tasks." Gavin checked for nearby ears before continuing, and took a bite. "Even the custom 'fix' for it doesn't change that. It merely allows it a short interlude, like this dinner for example, to coax the person behind the Title's influence into swearing an oath. The right oath, with the right mind, and the right ritual might allow its heart to dislodge the Title's near total hold on it. Best case, you've mostly freed it to its own devices."
"Do you have any inclination what yours might do with relatively free will? Many of them have been so shaped by the Other and their experiences they don't know anything else than the mission. It could simply decide that finishing the hunt is the only way to feel complete again. Even freed and sentient Verderers still have their missions lingering in the back of their minds. It's just no longer the primary and overriding goal, and they can possibly ignore it like people resist their darker impulses." The implication was that many people don't. People were the base platform for the Huntsmen after all.
Gavin reflected back on learning these lessons from Mary and recognized in himself the cautionary tone that she had conveyed them in the first place. Feeling a pang of sympathy for the awkwardness of her teaching, he continued. "Your primary involvement in the conversation to convince it would be a substantial risk. The person could settle for the possible partial freedom from its bindings by dealing with you in a situation close enough to catch you or it could simply attempt to haul you in for its complete freedom. Sometimes it's more likely to go along with the partial deal when its target isn't in the room to tempt it. Sometimes the person truly feels bad about everything it does and is happy to break from the dark will puppeteering it, regardless of who offered it. Others might only consider the offer from their quarry. It is super individual. No matter the approach, whomever swears the Oath with it risks being seen as Loyalist based on the outcome."
"Some of the person can bleed through from time to time based on metaphysical proximity to its hidden heart. Have you ever noticed it behave more humanely than usual? Do you remember the particulars of its altered behaviours, in any?"
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Post by Mitchell Carr on May 20, 2022 23:42:48 GMT -8
Mitch thanked the server, eating silently as Gavin launched into his tidal wave. It honestly reminded him of Fawkes' agitated rants. Huntsman were people? Hearts?
He blinked as he tried to track all the pieces but he sensed Gavin had a very different goal about Huntsman interactions. "Um..." the Dancer took another sip of water as he squinted at nothing. "Like, we've kind of talked. But not a conversation- that's not going to happen. Our kidnapper is...different, I think, from what other Lost are used to? There's no room for humanity for any of us, so it's just pissed it has to be here. It wants to spend as little time here as possible," he brightened a bit as he hooked onto discussing strategy, "So I can exploit that? It gets so mad, Gavin, like, holy shit." He chuckled again, sounding legitimately giddy. The Fairest's tone started to thrum with a discordant undercurrent, "And if I can tag it, it gets even angrier, because I've ruined it. Or I guess it would feel it ruined itself by being incompetent. So it's like failing all over again every time."
He seemed to remember himself as the shard of his Keeper's image ringed, flushing. "I think if I freed it it would just kill itself. Because it serves no purpose anymore. It would be useless."
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Post by Gavin Graves on May 21, 2022 0:14:58 GMT -8
He had been trying to give Mitch a framework of parameters to judge the idea of approaching the suggestion of dismantling his Huntsman. Some just wouldn't be worth the trouble of the attempt because success would be just as bad as failure and carry all the risks to get there. This was sounding like one of those cases.
"Right, so when I say 'freeing it,' I mean it gets a semblance of the person back. In this case, if you are right about it just getting mad, you would have that at the forefront with maybe a bit more that was sheltered within the heart, with the mission pushing for the chase in the background." The suggestion that it would just kill itself, he focused. "If it went that route, ... I think that would simply free the Title's commitment to that particular form and you'd be exchanging the Devil you knew for one you didn't?" His tentative and upward inflected tone betrayed he was testing the line of reasoning with the Autumn whispers. It was very important that he get this right for his friend.
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Post by Mitchell Carr on May 23, 2022 20:38:48 GMT -8
Gavin understood that a Huntsman killing itself wouldn't be able to under the control of a Title, because its purpose of existing is returning the Lost. With the theory that perhaps Mitchell's Keeper would simply construct a new one was harder to pin, as it depended on just how much the Keeper would want Carr back, or whether It would notice within a timeframe that was relevant to their lifespans.
"Oh, okay." The Dancer zoned out for a moment, "But if I beat it..."
Mitch shrugged, cutting off his own musing to return to the more grounded world around him with his food and the murmur of human activity that had been drowned out by an internal ecstatic hum. This wasn't a healthy thread to go down.
"Have you been doing okay? Like with mundane stuff? You work just as hard as the more intense officers I know." He grinned sheepishly to cut the tension, "Don't want to end up like me."
Or Fawkes.
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Post by Gavin Graves on May 23, 2022 23:29:12 GMT -8
Even as Mitch had tried to let it go, the Beast had already run down the path he started on. "No, wait. The mission is still there. It would still be bound to task. It would still come back. If it wanted to die, it'd still need to bring you in before it could." Gavin settled and ran the thought over again before looking Mitch in the eye with a certainty he did not desire. "Not sure how you'd shore up the person into something that could stand against its double reason to come for you." He didn't want to entirely close the door on the idea, but the probabilities were leaning hard away from working out how Mitch might like about an effort renowned for rarely working out well to begin with.
Joining his host, he dug into the plate of food in front of him. The spice and coconut flavours were just what he had been hoping for in selecting the restaurant.
The mundane world. "I mean, how many gangs have I caught the uncomfortable attention of lately? It's a bit concerning, yeah." The Grimm wondered whether it would even be a good idea to continue as a trail guide for covering his meager expenses. Mitch was right though. Gavin had been moving at an intense pace that was starting to paint him in. "Maybe I could make an inroad with the 'Ring' group we helped. It would also be a good idea to arrange a bargain ahead of needing one." It was clear he hadn't really been thinking much in the direction of Mitch's inquiry with the scattered responses.
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Post by Mitchell Carr on May 23, 2022 23:57:50 GMT -8
It wasn't much of a stretch for Mitch to relate oddball Elementals with the quirks that were emerging with a Fall occultist deep in his secrets. The Mantle flared across the table as the Beast mentally foraged and offered befriending a cult that hunted demonic activity.
Still, the Fairest wasn't here to judge, "I mean, sure, Bargains are a good goal. Would that group offer more social opportunities so you don't just limit yourself to magical research? It's clearly your passion, I just don't want you looking up in five years and realizing that talking to a mundie is like speaking another language, you know? Henley and Yuan are great for that cage staying unlocked." Gavin responded better to logic and his court precepts. "I can invite you to a few places too if you'd find it fun. I've seen you in action at parties."
Mitch fiddled with his phone to avoid the unblinking intensity of the Razorhand. Normally, this was when he would flex his social manipilativeness. But with his connection to the Beast and a better understanding of his habits, the Spring opted to risk showing his own weakness.
"...So, this is going to sound fucked up so I need to give some context," he bit off, still scrolling apps as he worked up the nerve. "I like dealing with the Huntsman. The challenge, I mean. It's, uh- picture like you couldn't chase the arcane because whenever you did you'd have this intrusive instinct to hurt the people you're researching with. Not like a buzz you ignore, like- um, you really get worked up to the point where you aren't confident you can keep people safe? And then you hate yourself for that. So you stop. For a long time. You even swear off reading just to be sure."
He shifted in his seat, glancing up, "The you get this person you don't feel bad about working with. And when you do you're pushed further than you ever have been, where you actually feel accomplished...?" He watched Gavin's reaction passively, trying not to have the other ping how the Dancer was registering every twitch.
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Post by Gavin Graves on May 30, 2022 19:39:35 GMT -8
"I mean, I really only know Tony, right? The rest were a bit incidental, but the thought was there's a layer of relatable experience there." He was still only tentative about the idea himself. "The other option was to roll with my street smarts, but ..." the shadows of memory cast across his expression, "... as mentioned betrayal and shadows following me home seem to be the reward for that effort."
"I have come out a bit more frequently and done more than just the required since teaming up with that pair. We do seem to keep each other into the right kind of trouble."
"Could do with another angle of approach. Can't promise I'll be much other than a fish out of water depending on the scene." Gavin forced himself to keep the door open even as the gloom of worry drafted in the breach. The Fairest was right to pattern the light on his future in the way he had. Razors for hands and married instincts kept him from taking risks in that direction, fearing the monster he had unleashed several times before.
The Beast listened to Mitch relate his inner workings with rapt attention. The parallels of experience were staggering.
He spoke, "Birds of a feather then?" followed by a quiet eyes-closed chest fluttering chuckle, with a tiny head shake that almost looked pained.
"If you swapped out the knowledge hunting for my own 'calling,' you've just described me. I hunt knowledge and secrets to fulfill a shadow of the instincts. I lived out on the other side there--in the bush--for years before properly returning for a very similar reason. I'm even written into Sword and have avoided signing to any of its Contracts out of worry just how much worse the outcome could be otherwise." If there was one thing that Gavin was experienced in it was fear of self and the loathing that came along with it.
"One wrong reflexive response on my part and someone is permanently maimed, or worse." The concern for the former was somewhat lessened with the return of Spring's Juju, though never gone.
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Post by Mitchell Carr on May 30, 2022 21:51:46 GMT -8
Mitch winced; not for the lack of empathetic connection, but he hadn't intended on accidentally outlining an issue Gavin has. Now he felt the need to back it up, feeling silly for relating his issues to what the Razorhand had to deal with, on top of feral design baked into his mien.
"Oh, wow I apologize," he managed, flushing with mercury. "I don't mean to- I don't think I have it as bad and I don't want to...pretend? Like, I'm making an active choice by engaging. Fuck." He laughed quietly, oddly self aware like he was instinctually making this a problem, somehow. Some unspoken insult or dig he must have given where he should be embarrassed and ashamed for even mentioning it. It was ridiculous to convince himself that his pride was on par with what Gavin dealt with-
The Dancer's expression was void as he weathered the programmed loop of self-directed attack, crystals splitting through the diamond veins as he slowed his thoughts to snag where he had decided he should beat himself up. With the restoration of the Icon, Mitch could now walk it back; it was allowed to complain about one's trials—allowed and harmless.
"Okay, no- yeah, I can see the similarities. I walked out remembering...two Contracts with the Sword, and I'd avoided that aspect of myself since. I think it made me kind of sick, actually, instead of...kinder? I could always summon a weapon and force people to walk the nightmares of their transgressions, that's about it. But there was always this malice that comes with it. You went with hunting knowledge — good adaptation, by the way — I didn't...do anything...and swore on the Wyrd to make sure I had to be accountable." He smoothed the splitting marble like the shards were pin feathers in a self-soothing gesture.
"But it's different, I guess, because I'm, like, one of the Sovereigns? Man, I wasn't even anything special before! I'm not being humble I coach dance for a living; I get that I was pretty average- then at some point dancing wasn't dancing and I can handle people because that's like being mad at a baby for not being able to read a dissertation." He smiled sadly, shrugging as he organized speaking his thoughts. "The Lost hit different. I tear you apart in my head without thinking when people try to match me. It's fucking rote. None of you move right."
Mitch's hand hovered under his mouth as he hiccupped. Did he actually just vomit in his mouth?
"It's like everyone's in the uncanny valley and I don't belong here. It got way worse this year. I'm not even that Wyrd, so what does that say about my future?"
Did he lose his face next, instead of just the humanity draining from eyes after he eviscerated Oren for playing pretend? Would he be all sharp edges, or be cold like Yuan?
"So, this Huntsman? Going toe to toe's made the most sense since getting back. I don't know if that's trauma, but I know my mind's crystal clear. I wouldn't really know how to go back to pretending and holding back all the time. It's like never running again."
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Post by Gavin Graves on Jun 1, 2022 16:38:30 GMT -8
"Uhh, yeah, no, it's not a problem. Your experiences are valid too, mate. I was just being amused at the similarity of thinking, even if it isn't exactly one to one. Rowan even at one point suggested I speak to you about it. I just never guessed he was so spot on with the recommend."
"I can see how that would cause you to try to regulate your relationship with the Sword. For me I could always feel a pull toward the mindlessness surrender into seeing red and worried that inviting that to the forefront would open me to its influence even more. I mean, since coming back I heard that call toward the extreme three times so far." The Aussie took on a thousand yard stare. "I answered it, twice." Even though he hadn't hurt any Freeholders in the thrall of Arcadian instincts, he had killed a number of others. Having not rendered either Aster or Tanner into chum was the saving grace in those instances.
"So it's kind of sucked the joy out of your talent." It was only a beat before he had connected the thought to something mentioned earlier, "And the challenge of someone operating on your level brings a version of it back." He nodded to the combination of thoughts. "So it's like we're all a troupe singing out of tune at the opera, not a care in the world, and here is you feeling the discord soul deep."
Gavin noticed his friend begin to quiet and trail off into his own worries. "So for everyone else, if you unleashed it, you'd be like the impossible to impress drill sergeant, too." He sat with it for a moment before his brow furrowed with concerned empathy.
"I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I've tried changing my Kith to explore which parts of my responses were specific to that so I could at least mentally deconstruct it a bit. The redirecting the drive thing. Talking to others with similarly dark impulses. 'Exposure therapy.' Running into others that escaped from the same other place as I didn't really help me much, but it might for you? I've only ever met what felt like mutual 'natural' adversaries and that came with waking violent nightmares and a strange urge to steal and devour all Golden Boy's eggs from his fridge. Don't worry. I've confessed to my sin there." He smiled while trying to lighten the mood with the off kilter detail.
"Could play an actual drill instructor in some of your martial abilities over at the Summer training camp. If you channel your impulses in the right way, it could vent some of that urge into a subset of people that expect an amount of stern correction and it'd be productive too."
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