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Post by Mitchell Carr on Apr 1, 2022 18:29:42 GMT -8
The Dancer synced with movements in an uncanny manner, stepping forward to mirror the Beast stepping back as they talked. He was about to ask 'what?' as Yuan kept staring at him, before he was ready to off himself with embarrassment as the other started laughing and he flushed with mercury. The heartfelt compliment and getting a genuine reaction of happiness from the melancholy Spring caused him to freeze again, eyes widening before looking at his hands.
He managed a helpless chuckle again that was barely audible, with Arcadia wanting to break down exactly why Carr was the problem, while Spring told him to just shut up and let it go. Personally, Mitch just wanted to hide, but he still felt happy in the brief moment of feeling like a self he remembered.
At the nudge of knowing more about his Durance, the Fairest's smile twitched as he seemed to zone out, fingers snapping before he cleared his throat.
"It's scary," he agreed quietly.
"Um...I'm not-" the rare expression of a grimace crossed his face, like the idea of pain, "-I wouldn't recommend how I- it was an accident, anyway. I'm not sure, if digging for a stronger connection would actually just make things harder? Or- it's- I feel like I've acted different, since I connected with things that I went through. Nightmares come with power. I have more compulsions that aren't related to, um, just normal anxiety. It's like a Rule you can't ignore like how we need to breathe. And then I'm, like, I feel more distant from everyone and I know it isn't just disassociating. I sometimes feel like I'm an alien even with other Lost?" he chuckled, again, shrugging. "Maybe that's why I get along with Elementals just fine, or it's the Sword."
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Hua Yuan
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Presence 2 - Nostalgic; SL 1 - Flawless
Posts: 304
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Post by Hua Yuan on Apr 6, 2022 12:44:34 GMT -8
The moment came and went. just like that, they were back to more serious topics. Part of Yuan just wanted to stop talking and bask in the happiness, but he simply couldn't let go.
"You've-" He dared get his hopes up. "I hear you Mitch. I wish I could say that I won't do anything, but it gnaws at me. Ever since getting that Icon, I can't stop wondering what else is missing. What else was taken away. Which parts are really me."
"I won't ask you to do it again. But can you tell me what it was, at least?"
I'll do it myself, if it comes down to it. He really hoped it didn't. He had a motley, after all, and people he had helped enough to consider helping him back. He could ask Cinder. She was a dream expert after all, and could offer more insight. And both his motley mates were expert occultists. Yuan just needed a place to start.
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Post by Mitchell Carr on Apr 6, 2022 14:11:43 GMT -8
Carr's silence stretched into the realms of uncomfortable. The look of hope and approaching disappointment on Yuan's face gently nudged him over the edge.
"Near the start of Summer last year I got a call from Fawkes? And Kai, and Oren. He'd designed this theory where I guess our human brains can't really process Arcadia, but its buried in the Dream along with our potential to connect to the Wyrd. I don't know how right he was, because he apparently wasn't an Oneiromancer, but I was asked to lend a hand in taking everyone's bits to try and make, like, a truthful narrative? Or as close as you can get to one. Basically he was trying to find a way around just...getting more vivid nightmares."
Mitch broke eye contact, returning to popping his knuckles as he swayed a bit. "He was hoping with his Bastion being...the way it was, and his connection to the Wyrd, we'd have enough to work with between ourselves."
Now he was just repeating himself with different phrasing.
"So, we swore a Pledge knowing it would be bad, but that we had a common goal and would do our best and forgive what we saw and learned. I- I really should have said no. I don't think my problems is a good excuse, and that situation was really fucked up. It started fine, I guess, because we were hitting so many walls with his Bastion. Then I got lucky on a read and having some insight to Fawkes' own shit, I figured out the trigger to get things rolling. But it wasn't-" he sighed, still looking away with an expression of immense shame, "I felt the weight of the Pledge and then the Dream put me in a different mode. Like, the one you're scared of. And then I shifted his mind to shatter his will to fight and it brought us through a series of snapshots, as long as we took the cues and followed instinct with our Kiths?"
Mitch ran his hands through his hair, knowing Yuan hadn't asked for the details, but feeling it was important for him to know how raw the experience was.
"We reenacted the Durance. Or an idea of it."
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Hua Yuan
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Presence 2 - Nostalgic; SL 1 - Flawless
Posts: 304
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Post by Hua Yuan on Apr 6, 2022 17:13:44 GMT -8
His face drained to opalescence when Mitch related his experience. Yuan felt bad for asking, for pushing.
“But you said he wasn’t an oneiromancer, yeah? Maybe he did something wrong.”
Maybe Cinderella will know a other way.
That wasn’t important now. Not now. The Playmate looked at the Dancer, waiting for him to meet his gaze. He just wanted to hold him on his arms and tell him everything would be okay. To kiss him until it was true.
“You’re a good person, Mitchel Carr. I wouldn’t like to you” pangs of guilt “about that,” he course corrected for the sake of his conscience. “What can I do to make you believe that? How can I help?”
“You try so hard for other people, to the point of going almost insane. And while your life was spinning out of control, you were still worried about other people.”
“How about we make a promise to each other. No Glamour, just accountability. We have to try to be kinder to ourselves.”
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Post by Mitchell Carr on Apr 6, 2022 18:10:26 GMT -8
"I think it worked exactly as intended," Mitch corrected. "Me, Kai and Oren woke up more in touch with the Fae-side of things, and Kai and Fawkes even... connected better with their seasonal oaths. The process was just- a lot. Maybe because there was so many of us things just got a little too real? I checked in with Snow about it and he said what we did was super unsafe because it was closer to the truth. You don't ask trauma victims to walk through and pantomime what happened to them in a psychedelic dream bender."
He crossed his arms again, "I don't know? I'm at a point where I literally gutted Oren and he still-" the Dancer blinked, mentally pivoting from the thread, "What I'm trying to say is, you get to a point where you don't know who is just fulfilling a role. I'm trying to let that go and just let people be themselves."
Getting it over and done with to admit his fears, the Fairest noticed how pale Yuan was getting and tried a smile. "I think this court keeps me from going crazy because it preaches that basically none of that matters, as long as people get to live their lives the way they choose to. I'm really happy to see you actually do all these hard things so you're not a slave to people's expectations."
His head titled to mull the request, "I try. I think my problem is I get in my head and people don't notice because it isn't disruptive to anyone's lives. I think I'm actually nicer to everyone when I'm kicking my own ass."
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Hua Yuan
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Presence 2 - Nostalgic; SL 1 - Flawless
Posts: 304
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Post by Hua Yuan on Apr 6, 2022 19:01:14 GMT -8
“Yeah, I get that. Sadly enough,” he added. “And maybe it’s for my sake more than yours. I don’t know.”
“I feel like I’ve failed you. Like I haven’t said certain things enough. That I cared. That you’re beautiful. And you are. Beautiful.”
He was lost in his thoughts for a moment.
“Would you like to go out? Like, on a date? We’ve never been. Well, yes, but I don’t think you remember. Or you do, but only the shitty part. Ok, most of it was shitty, but it’s not your fault. So yeah. Bowling? Not much alcohol or drugs there, so you should be fine.”
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Post by Mitchell Carr on Apr 6, 2022 20:17:15 GMT -8
The Dancer shrugged when Yuan considered the angle that he was looking out for himself, signaling that the thought was nice either way and he would keep trying. His fidgeting stilled as he shrunk from the compliment; internally screaming that people commented on his looks all the time and why was this so embarrassing?
"Oh my gosh, you haven't failed anyone," Mitch reassured in an exasperated tone, bending to kiss the Playmate impulsively.
Voicing the same opinion about Yuan stuck in his throat; the vast majority of Lost he interacted with had dysphoric episodes, and having a close friend with an ED had trained him to never comment on someone's appearance. He brushed the other's jaw with appreciation as he mentally kicked himself to respond,
"Th- um- go out?" he almost sounded dazed, "Y-yeah, I think that would be nice."
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