Post by Wayland on Mar 13, 2022 15:24:01 GMT -8
The Wizened’s question is so thoughtfully phrased, it tugs on Wayland’s heartstrings a little. Because it’s compassionate. It’s reflective. It’s respectful. It offers Wayland options without pressuring her at all. It gives her space to choose, to set her own boundaries. Her eyes close for a moment. It’s… caring. In a small way, a way that costs almost nothing.
But it’s more care from another than Wayland has felt in a long time.
How to answer? Wayland’s oath to Eis and Blaze prevents her from discussing the oath she swore to Isla, even if she trusted Lotus enough to do so. And isn’t the whole reason her oath to Isla is causing her such agony that it’s not safe to talk about? That there are elements in the Freehold that would murder her for her mistake if they knew about it?
For all Wayland knows, Lotus might even be one of them.
She’s a Winter after all. The secret-keeping court. The loyalty-keeping court. Spies and secret police, when they have to be. If Lotus were some sort of undercover agent of Freehold security, would Wayland even know? Wayland is bad at deception, bad at reading people. She really is the worst person in the world to have a secret like this.
And just like that, suspicion wipes away that brief sense of care that Wayland enjoyed. That brief, positive emotion shrivels into the misery and despair she’s become far more familiar with lately.
Isolation.
After a long moment’s thought, staring off into nothing at the far end of the room, Wayland licks her lips and rolls her gaze towards Lotus. “I’m-” the words die in her throat. She lets out a choked breath, tries again. “I can’t talk about it yet.”
She wishes she could. She wishes she could say anything at all. ’I did something bad! I’m trying to fix it! It’s tearing me up inside!’ But even that would be too big a risk. The risk of Lotus wondering what’s up with Wayland. Deciding she might have to figure it out.
Sometimes Wayland wonders how much this Freehold resembles a police state. It has at least one thing in common: You never know who might be an informer.
But it’s more care from another than Wayland has felt in a long time.
How to answer? Wayland’s oath to Eis and Blaze prevents her from discussing the oath she swore to Isla, even if she trusted Lotus enough to do so. And isn’t the whole reason her oath to Isla is causing her such agony that it’s not safe to talk about? That there are elements in the Freehold that would murder her for her mistake if they knew about it?
For all Wayland knows, Lotus might even be one of them.
She’s a Winter after all. The secret-keeping court. The loyalty-keeping court. Spies and secret police, when they have to be. If Lotus were some sort of undercover agent of Freehold security, would Wayland even know? Wayland is bad at deception, bad at reading people. She really is the worst person in the world to have a secret like this.
And just like that, suspicion wipes away that brief sense of care that Wayland enjoyed. That brief, positive emotion shrivels into the misery and despair she’s become far more familiar with lately.
Isolation.
After a long moment’s thought, staring off into nothing at the far end of the room, Wayland licks her lips and rolls her gaze towards Lotus. “I’m-” the words die in her throat. She lets out a choked breath, tries again. “I can’t talk about it yet.”
She wishes she could. She wishes she could say anything at all. ’I did something bad! I’m trying to fix it! It’s tearing me up inside!’ But even that would be too big a risk. The risk of Lotus wondering what’s up with Wayland. Deciding she might have to figure it out.
Sometimes Wayland wonders how much this Freehold resembles a police state. It has at least one thing in common: You never know who might be an informer.
