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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 6, 2021 19:06:23 GMT -8
Lucas couldn't put into words how good it felt to be able to wake up without the weight of the broken oath being the first thing he felt in the morning or afternoon or evening--depending on how badly he had wrecked his sleep schedule. The bitter, angry nagging sensation that hounded his thoughts no matter what he tried to focus on was finally gone. He felt like himself again which meant he could start to trust himself again. The Fairest knew he had a penchant for following his heart in grave situations and that he held tightly onto a personal code of ethics to navigate his way through the turbulent world the Lost lived in. The broken oath caused him to become a passenger to his feelings rather than the driver and he couldn't fully trust himself to make a decision he wouldn't later regret.
On a similar vein, just because he the oath was resolved, it didn't mean the conflict between Riley and him was over. The initial conversation during the negotiation demonstrated the two of them still had many an unresolved personal grievance with each other. The option of ignoring their personal conflict and carrying on as business as usual was an option they could choose and under normal circumstances the ideal option. However, their fates seemed to be bound to one and other. They had experienced things together that they would never be able to fully communicate with others. How does one explain what it's like to be trapped in a Maelstrom and believe you're about to die by placing a coin on an altar? Not to mention Riley witnessed him directly snuff out a life willingly.
With the oath breaker condition resolved and notoriety lifted, Lucas contacted Riley to meet him in an abandoned park in Sedna's territory. Since Riley had presumably given Sedna a secret to resolve the last part of the broken oath, that meant they had engaged in a business arrangement of sorts or at least showed they were capable of finding information that even Sedna couldn't dig up. Knowing his knight, she would find value in that, and Lucas could at least push back against any random Winter who came across their meeting that they were interfering with his knight's interests. Of course, no longer being considered a notorious individual within the court of Winter made the arrangement a lot easier.
Lucas had chosen this spot because he wanted somewhere private where they wouldn't have to worry about prying eyes. The park was run down but there were still a few pieces of working playground equipment there. Their biggest concern would be coming across a drug deal or some teens getting drunk. As long as they minded their own business there wouldn't be much of an issue and it wasn't like they couldn't hold their own against a couple of mortals on the off chance they became aggressive.
The Fairest moved over to the merry-go-round and grabbed onto one of the bars. He ran around in a circle a couple of times to build up momentum before he hopped onto it and watched the sky above him spin around and around while he waited on the Darkling to show up.
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 8, 2021 12:54:31 GMT -8
The Twilight Dancer was hesitant at the request to meet. With the rift in the wyrd between themself and Lucas healed, Riley had been more than willing to not see him for a while.
That was never going to happen.
Even in the grip of Autumn, Vegas never got too cold. Riley dressed in a casual street punk style, wearing Linden's reworked jacket open over a loose tank top, and fitted plaid pants.
Their eyes darted this way and that as they approached to park. Taking in the sights and sounds. They adjusted the sunglasses on their face to block out the near blinding sunlight.
At last spying Lucas, Riley felt the urge to turn heel and walk the other way. Sticking their courage to the sticking place, Riley growled a sigh out and approached.
"Hey" they say, raising their hand in greeting as they approached. Something was off.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 12, 2021 9:57:14 GMT -8
By the time Riley had arrived the Fairest had spun around several times and the merry-go-round looked like it only had a couple of spins left in it. Fast forward a minute or two later and Lucas was holding onto one of the handles so he wouldn't topple over now that it had stopped and he was back on his feet.
"Hey, Riley. Thanks for coming. "It was nice to be able to flash a friendly smile at the Bright One once more instead of fighting off a surge of hostility.
"Care for a spin?" He grinned at tilted his head towards the merry-go-round. He figured the two of them might as well have a little fun before things got heavy.
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 12, 2021 11:29:26 GMT -8
The Darkling raised an eyebrow examining the merry-go-round and the Fairest who had been taking it for a spin. There was trepidation in the moth's eyes as they took a moment to consider the offer. Lucas seemed to have sprung back from the Oathbreaking fiasco with vigor, seeming unphased by the events. However, the moth was slower to trust.
"Uh." why not.
"Sure, but if I throw up. I am aimin' for you," They say, stepping towards the Merry-go-round and stepping onto the metal disk and gripping the bar. They remembered the bars being higher than this, and they felt oddly short.
"I haven't used one of these since...before-before" they fidgeted with the bar. "before I was Riley" is an odd way to examine time to be sure.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 12, 2021 19:35:51 GMT -8
"Sounds like a fair exchange. " The Fairest looked like it genuinely might not bother him if the Moth did indeed up Chuck all over him because he was pleased as punch that they agreed to give the merry-go-round a literal whirl.
"It's weird to think of you as anyone other than Riley. " The tone was an affirming one and he appeared to be hinting at whatever name was given to them at birth he still saw them as Riley.
"Did Linden ever tell you that they almost beat up Rowan at Ostara because they thought he was copying your kith?"
What Lucas lacked in strength he made up in agility. He found a good rhythm for running alongside the merry-go-round and he was able to hop onto it without issue.
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 13, 2021 8:56:48 GMT -8
Riley clung to the merry-go-round as it gathered speed, finding its footing and center of balance.
The mention of Linden, however, took them by surprise. A clear signal of discomfort rose through their body as the Moth digested the thought.
"Naw. They never did. Rowan can be a shit, but i hardly noticed him that night. But that track. Linden was really defensive of their people."
Riley readjusted their weight. Before saying, a bit louder, as if to talk over the spinning of the Wheel.
"I didnt know you two knew each other"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 15, 2021 8:29:49 GMT -8
Lucas had a harder time formulating words because the combined spins from his two goes on the merry-go-round had him feeling extra dizzy. Still, he was enjoying the moment and Riley wasn't rebuffing him after he mentioned having spoken with Linden in the past.
Once the merry-go-round lost steam, he slouched against the bars while he tilted his head backwards to look up at the spinning star filled sky.
"We were starting to get to know each other. We ran into each other at the...uhh..the Salt Bar!"
He beamed, pleased at himself for remembering the name despite his disoriented state.
"They were so welcoming and friendly when they spotted me that honestly, it threw me off. The first time I saw them was when they confronted Rowan over the kith stuff." A sheepish look flashed across his face.
"At first, I actually thought you had sent Linden over to Rowan to thug him down for daring to steal your work. Linden had me eating some humble pie because they helped explain how some things are unique to a person and shouldn't be treated like a costume to wear. Turns out Rowan hadn't intended his kith to manifest his way, but I get why Linden would have been annoyed at first. One night talking over a few good drinks was all it took for me to realize Linden was someone special."
He paused before adding anything else, not wanting to stray too far topic if it wasn't something Riley wanted to dive into, especially when they already had a couple of tough conversations ahead of them.
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 15, 2021 12:58:05 GMT -8
"They were a good person," Riley said, their hand fidgets with the metal embedded in the jacket of their gone friend.
"Linden was one of the kindest people I have known. Sure...they had an anger issue, and you didn't want to piss them off. But, I saw what they could do to someone's face- "
Riley shrugs and smiles a little.
"At least you got to meet them before-"
Riley let out a small sigh Running their hand back through their white hair. Their mind traced back to the curse burdened on their shoulder; they had accepted it unknowingly in the hopes of helping Linden.
Linden didn't deserve that fate.
"You didn't invite me out here to just chat about Linden, did you?"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 16, 2021 0:55:55 GMT -8
"They were, I'm sorry for your loss."
Before he had been too angry to express his sympathies towards them.
He nodded his head to acknowledge both he had asked them out here for another reason and to shift course with the subject. He looked down from the sky, trying to focus his bright blue eyes on the Bright one. The spinnies were starting to wear off but there was enough of a disoriented feeling left that maintaining eye contact was proving to be a challenge for him.
"You're right, I wanted to talk about something else--specifically us. The past couple of years have had so many ups and downs that seem to be heading towards a breaking point. We've literally flown through a maelstrom full of ghosts on a dragon together. Add in our mediation demonstrating we still have unresolved personal issues, and well, I think we ought to resolve them so we can keep trudging forward. There's a lot at risk at the moment and you and I have a chance at helping mitigate that risk if we not only work together, but genuinely have each other's backs."
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 16, 2021 14:47:40 GMT -8
"Thanks... it's easier some days than others. I don't know how they would feel about all that has happened-"
The Moth's body posture changed slightly, slumping a bit as they sat on the rail of the Merry-Go-round. They weren't surprised; they half expected that this would be the topic at hand, Like a train crash you couldn't stop.
Was this conversation worth the time? It wouldn't matter soon enough. Riley wouldn't matter soon enough.
"Lucas I- Fine. If you think it will help"
Riley looked to Lucas, shrugging.
"Look, I told you. Never meant to hurt you with the Oathbreakin'. It was a shitty accident. And I am not angry at you for being Dani's friend"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 19, 2021 2:51:48 GMT -8
[CW: Reference to past suicide attempt and ideation]
"You know what I mean."
He met Riley's eyes so he could give them a meaningful look. Lucas knew the two of them were in a place where someone was going to have to risk being vulnerable to dive into the deeper issues between them. Lost in general weren't great at being vulnerable. Not only did they have mental walls put up, but they literally had supernatural walls that protected others from getting glimpses of what they were truly feeling. With the way things were going, Lucas figured he might as well go for broke. A huntsman had already broken the walls once and they had two failed rituals in a row. At this rate, the wards could be down by Winter and then all hell would break loose.
There was no time like the present because none of them were promised a future that extended beyond a season at this rate.
"My time as a Lost feels different than a lot of others because of the events leading up to my durance."
He snubbed at the merry-go-rounds surface with a sneaker while he remained relaxed against the barrier bars.
"Something I rarely tell anyone is that before I was taken, I tried to kill myself. I took a bottle of pills, turned off the night, went into bed, closed my eyes over, and I never expected to wake up again. Except I did. At the time, I was so angry because I couldn't even find peace in death. I felt like that was taken from me. I didn't even want to die as much as I wanted to stop feeling the way I did. The misery was too much. I felt like I was suffocating all the time. I desperately wanted to find peace even if it meant an eternity of oblivion."
He sighed softly as he thought back on that night. One of his hands sunk inside of his pocket so he could rub his finger along his copper coin that he had purchased for the Litha rite.
"Being made a Gravewight felt like Necropolis' way of punishing me. Instead of finding finality in death, I was forced to do death's work. It's why I really don't give a fuck about how pretty my mien makes me look, you know? When I see myself looking like a vampire, it's a reminder of how I tried to kill myself and failed fantastically. So, this feeling of being "death-touched" is something I've carried with me for awhile. It's not an easy thing to talk about because I often feel ashamed. There are countless lost out there desperately trying to escape Arcadia so they can return to their lives and I gave up on my life.
It's also a heavy thing to talk about it and not exactly coffee date material. Anyway, how this all ties back to you and I, is when you went to Spring, the reason I had such a visceral reaction is because Spring's magic is the antithesis of Winter's magic. You were moving from all things related to death to life and the magic that comes along with that does have an affect on us on some level. I found myself thinking how could someone who was embracing life belong with someone who has been touched by death? I got stuck in my head and set off my Durance, which caused me to disassociate, and eventually fuck off in the middle of the night.
At the time, I thought I was doing you a favor. That by removing myself from your life and making you hate me, you would have an easier time moving on and eventually be happy. I realize now that it was a fucked up thing to do. I'm sorry, even if I wasn't in a place to come to terms with my own trauma and how that was being triggered, I should have had an actual conversation with you. I didn't respect your agency and made a lot of assumptions about what you would or would not do."
He finally looked up at the Bright One with a small, vulnerable smile.
"You've broken an oath you made to me and I've broken a promise I made to you. We've gotta change that pattern and find a way to move forward. I know we can. Hell, we have to find a way because our survival depends on it. The Freehold in general has to find a way to trust in one and other again or else the Fae are going to be able to invade the entire city."
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Nov 21, 2021 9:26:25 GMT -8
Riley sat silently and listened as Lucas's story unfolded. There was a bit of discomfort in the Darkling; conversations about sex, drugs, personal problems were every day for them, but suicidal thoughts? Riley wasn't sure still how to respond appropriately.
So they sat in their discomfort and listened. They hadn't expected to hear this today or ever. Riley had assumed this was buried. OR perhaps they had hoped it was.
The Moth sat in silence for a moment before speaking.
"You should have told me," they said in agreement before letting out a sad chuckle at the irony of it.
"Lucas. I joined the spring court because of you." The Darkling looked over to the Fairest.
"Because I fell in love with you, and for the first time since I got back, you reminded me about my thirst for life beyond just coping. Despite all your fears about your connection to death, you inspired me to live. "
They shifted slightly, taking in a deep breath before letting it out.
"When you up and left. It hit me hard. I thought I wasn't good enough. That is because I didn't fit your worldview anymore. That was that. And well...I get petty. What I did after was immature, reckless, and unhealthy. I am sorry"
They scratch at the back of their head for a moment and sigh, looking over at him.
"I am happy you and Dani get along. I... got jealous at the games. I couldn't swear an oath, and Dani didn't tell me about you. And I guess...seeing you two swear a marriage oath made me worry if I was good enough for her. "
There was more to their actions that day. Personal things between them and Dani, but that wasnt important here. This was about Lucas and Riley.
"I don't know if i am going to be much help in the Freeholds survival Lucas. I'll help, but people like you and Dani are the ones the freehold needs right now"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Nov 23, 2021 9:23:33 GMT -8
As Riley revealed their true reasons for joining Spring, Lucas didn't know whether to cry or smile in response. He ended up doing a combination of the two of them as he found himself moved by their confession. A smile tugged at his lips while his eyes teared up. The laugh he made while he shook his head was similar sounding to the Bright one's sad chuckle.
"I wish I had too then again...I'm not sure how much it would have changed. The thing about grief is that you can't force your way through it nor can you ignore it. You gotta find your way through and even for someone whose court radiates sorrow, it still feels like stumbling through the dark."
He reached up to rub at his eyes with the heel of his hand which was followed by a couple of sniffles. His voice cracked from emotion because even though he reflected on the changes in his life for awhile, it was still hard to voice them out loud.
"For so long, I resented being alive. I would find myself being so bitter any time something went wrong because it wasn't like I had asked for any extra time. If I had succeeded then I never would have experienced my durance" He stared down at his sneaker which he continued to snub against the merry-go-round. By now, there were a few streaks from his sole skidding across the the metal platform.
"Before I could be happy in any relationship I realized I had to grieve my own death. Which I have." He drew in a deep breath to try and steady his voice.
"Sorry, I don't mean to make this so awkward." He gestured to his eyes which had become red from his efforts of fighting back his tears.
"I--thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot, really, it does." He sniffled again as his voice threatened to break again but he managed to keep it even.
"Now I'm grateful for the extra time I have because I've been able to experience so many things that I never did before that night. One of them being what it's like to be in love. Our time together taught me what that's like. It wasn't perfect and we definitely made our mistakes. But it was real and what we felt for each other was real and no one gets to take that experience from us. Not even the Fae."
He got up from where he was sitting and wobbled on over to where they were so he could sit next to them. His eyes were starting to clear up and he gave them a small shoulder bump.
"You matter too, Riley. A lot. I don't want to drive a wedge to Dani and you or cause you to feel isolated in any way. I wish all three of us could be friends. I miss having your presence in my life."
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Riley Sorsa
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Presence (3) Captivating | SL(1) Stylish Mantle (2)Spring | Status(1) Entertainment
Posts: 913
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Post by Riley Sorsa on Dec 1, 2021 18:41:11 GMT -8
"Well, I am thankful- you're here" It was a selfish thought and a strange one given all that had happened between them.
The idea of mourning that which did not happen or denied lingered on Riley for a good while. It felt like an anchor upon their chest, pulling them to into an abyss, perhaps of their own making.
They shake their head and give Lucas a smile. "Perhaps if our timeline had gone differently, the three of us could have been more than that" Dani liked Lucas; his friendship was important. He, perhaps from as far as the Moth could tell, was probably her most healthy relationship. A part of Riley held a jealousy fear that if they weren't with Dani, she would have found romance in Lucas.
"Ya' know for someone who can see the possible future, I sure fuck up a lot, don't I?" They laugh weakly at the idea, flashing an honest smile in the moment of self-awareness.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Dec 7, 2021 0:00:32 GMT -8
The oath Lucas made with Eurydice made the Fairest remain present in his word and feelings to make sure he wasn't subconsciously going in a different direction than what he intended. The two of them were opening up to each other in a way they hadn't before. However, this wasn't the two of them trying to reconcile their relationship. This was the two of them finding closure and creating a pathway to healing. Part of finding closure included being vulnerable and sharing "what ifs" and "could haves" while acknowledging either out loud or quietly in their hearts that that time had passed.
"The three of us being something more, eh? That could have been nice."
Under different circumstances, in a different timeline where none of them had been so badly traumatized by both life and the Gentry, the three of them could have found some kind of happily ever after together. Now there was a significant chance that none of them were going to find a semblance of a happily ever after.
Still, they had to try. Lucas couldn't ignore the nightmares that plagued him or the person in front of him.
"No matter what happens, I won't leave Golden Boy or you. I'll stay with you until the end, even if that final night is the darkest of nights."
Their trip into the Maelstrom hadn't stopped the storm. There were so many unknowns and it was a race against time to find answers before that Maelstrom exploded into this realm. He shifted his body so he was looking directly at the Bright one, offering them a small, reassuring smile.
"I can't seal that promise with a glamour considering...you know. But how about sealing it with a hug?"
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