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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 13, 2021 23:00:51 GMT -8
Lucas flinched when he saw the mutilated corpses, thankful he was already on the ground to begin with or he likely would have face planted.
Note to self: let's not mention the dead. Keep it simple.
He straightened his sitting position before he looked down at his hands. Enough time had passed that while he was still in pain, his dream form was healing. The scorched marks from the lightning weren't as prominent on his dream body as they had been moments.
"You're welcome, Fawkes. It's okay, I'm starting to feel better. "
The Fairest blinked when he saw an image of Kai appear in the dunes. Kai had been here before? Others suggested that Kai hadn't been alone. Interesting. He wondered if her time in here fueled her concern for the Sunbanisher. That was a question for future Lucas to ponder. Present Lucas needed to focus on the here and now and see what he could do to help repair bits of the trauma Fawkes had endured during his fight with the ghosts.
"Nonsense. There's tons of material for us to work with."
He added with an enthusiastic grin before he started to shove piles of the silica towards Fawkes.
"I don't know the exact science behind it, but lighting hitting sand makes glass, yeah? I bet you can use your elemental energy to make glass out of it. You did something similar at my place and that was without a whole beach of material to work off of."
The question was, what did they want to make? Lucas wanted something simple yet meaningful to remind Fawkes that he wasn't alone.
"Do you think you could make a glass sandcastle? That would be awesome."
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Post by Fawkes on Jul 14, 2021 16:23:32 GMT -8
The Elemental stared flatly, evoking an awkward pause where the wind didn't even stir the sand to disrupt. Lucas was either trying to damndest to be friendly and connect, or he was being extremely manipulative by invading a vulnerable space and throwing him off with a barrage of unsettling news before heaping on emotional validation.
It made Fawkes overwhelmingly agitated as emotion clawed freely in the Dream, folding his arms and stepping back despite the serene mask. "It's..."
He dealt with the worst extremes the Freehold had to offer on a weekly basis, and just as bad with humanity as a choice of safety in familiarity. The sand behind his face was painful as it scraped—he didn't feel safe with the Winter courtier reaching out. He couldn't understand why, but as he coughed into his fist and words garbled into white noise, he only found himself frustrated and panicking from nothing. He couldn't lash out, either—the Bastion had already brought Lucas an inch to imagined death, and all he did was carry on like it was fine. The Elemental felt like he was going to be sick, the silica churning unsteadily as he kept stepping back.
"It's fine. Lucas. Really. It's not safe here and. I'll heal up at some point. I don't know about. Roger. Probably fixing the. Haunt. I'm not. Lying to the. Court."
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 14, 2021 19:02:07 GMT -8
Lucas looked up again at Fawkes as he started to panic. The insight Lucas had into Fawkes as a Fairest gave him a broader understanding of where the panic was coming from. While it looked like anger on the surface, he knew there was so much more emotional turmoil underneath. When his eyes met the troubled Elemental's, it was like looking into a mirror. It was hard to trust in others when you hated yourself. How could others see anything worth connecting with when you couldn't find an ounce of decency within? One dream visit was not enough to resolve all of that. Before he even started to break the surface, he needed to work on helping Fawkes see the good in him, so he could have something to keep him grounded when the self-hatred flared up.
"I won't stay if you don't want me to."
He frowned, looking genuinely upset with himself that he was causing so much distress within Fawkes.
"I'm sorry, Fawkes. I didn't mean to upset you. You've already been through so much. I know you're not lying to me or anyone else. No one sent me here, I did it on my own. You didn't have to share anything with me so I appreciate that you've shared as much as you have about Roger. Thank you for letting me hangout here for as long as I have, considering I busted into your dream."
He slowly picked himself up from the sand, dusting it off of his pants. The two of them were still getting to know each other and he understood they needed more time to build trust. At the very least, he wanted to help soothe Fawkes' nerves before he left so that he didn't leave the Elemental in a mental tailspin.
"I'll be okay too, I promise. I've been healing as we've been talking."
He offered Fawkes a reassuring smile and moved about to show he was still mobile.
"I'd like to come back and visit you under your terms. Maybe we can do a Seal? That way, I won't have to worry about the Bastion defenses. I can help keep you updated on everything while you're recovering. If there's anything you would like me to pass along to anyone else, I can do that as well."
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Post by Fawkes on Jul 15, 2021 17:37:25 GMT -8
"Yes."
The response was quick—if a little desperate by the way the Elemental stopped back peddling as quickly as Lucas dangled information. His energy was manic as the silica did more than just shift, whipping up into full gusts and threads as Fawkes held a hand over his mouth; closing his eyes as he tried to slow his shallow breathing.
"I just need. To know what's going on. Then I can give some direction. And then you can come back a-and. Things won't fall to shit. Because I'm stuck here."
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 18, 2021 22:47:19 GMT -8
As Lucas listened to Fawkes, he realized the two of them had far more in common than either one realized. The past few weeks felt like living inside of a hurricane. He constantly felt pushed to the edge, his screams drowned out by the torrent winds. Every time he felt like he was making sense of the thoughts in his head, he was dragged down by the cold fronts.
Was Sedna the one who was right in the end?
Was there any way he could hold onto any sense of decency moving forward?
Did Sedna understand what he meant by that? Did he even understand what he meant by that?
Lucas glanced around the desolate landscape the two of them were in, tapping into his empathy to make sense out of the bastion using the glimpse he got into the essence of who Fawkes was to help him make sense of the world around them. If the two of them were as alike he was starting to think they were, then understanding Fawkes could help him better understand his own aspirations.
Fragments of understanding weaved their way through his mind and he worked on threading them together to get the whole picture. The ocean itself was representative of Fawkes unconscious mind. The elemental was desperately trying to throw his disturbing memories to the bottom of the ocean. A task that was exceedingly complicated in this dream arena because there were no eidolons or props to assist in the process. His void like eyes focused their attention on the sand which he had come to realize was meant to be a protective barrier from the nightmare that threatened to break through the surface and consume the elemental whole.
Fawkes was aware that he was on the brink and he didn't want anyone to see how close to being lost to the darkness he truly was. The reason he likely was so anxious around Lucas was because the Fairest was able to see him in such a vulnerable state.
"I need the same thing from you, Fawkes."
At the core, their moods were the same but the visible manifestations were different. While Fawkes energy drove him in a manic direction, Lucas was exhausted. The sorrow rolled over him like a torrent rainstorm that kept trying to knock him off his feet and drag him away in a flood.
"Before I came to Vegas, I had a job like you do here.. I had a purpose. There was meaning behind what I did. When we spoke awhile ago I told you I feel like I'm being coddled because it doesn't feel like our bosses trust me to get my hands dirty unless it's a dire situation like the crisis. That's not true at all. I can get my hands dirty, I got them dirty all the time in Detroit. Hell man, I'm a pro and breaking and entering.
The thing is...I could handle that because what I did held personal meaning to me. If I had to lie to someone, turn a blind eye to someone getting their knee caps blown out, or disappearing without a trace, I could live with it because I could make sense out of it in my head. I wasn't some yokel along for the ride who did whatever his bosses said because "that's just how it is". Did I know everything? No. I don't need to know the fucking Coloniel's secret 11 herbs and spices recipe. I need to know why I'm being tapped to do something and the purpose it serves.
The Reverent Crisis was heavy shit but I was able to push through because it meant something to me. It reminded me of my time in Detroit when I was the ghost guy. I spent most of my nights cleansing haunts, tracking ghostly activity, and banishing destructive ghosts who terrorized different aspects of the freehold. Everything here is so different. I don't know how ghosts here work and it causes my anxiety to hit an 11 because I'm worried I'm going to give bad advice that leads to someone dying.
I need you to give me guidance in Winter and help me understand why we're doing what we're doing. I mean, yeah, I've sworn to Sedna but the work she will have me do isn't going to get to the heart of what Winter's role is with the rituals. I need to know what it means to watch over the sacred rite of death here in Vegas so I can plug myself into our system in a way that eases my conscience. I'm pretty sure my suicidal ideation has lingered for as long as it is because it's a safety net of sorts. I can control my own death and the reason why I decide to kill myself. It's one of the few areas of death that I have any kind of meaningful understanding of here in Vegas."
His voice had a desperate plea in it as he managed to summon enough energy to try and hammer his point home.
"I'm working on learning Pure Clarity so that I can protect my sanity from all the terrible things on the horizon. The ephemeral energy running loose in Vegas hits me differently than it does to just about everyone else because I am Gravewight. I'm trying to learn to live in a place where I can feel death breathing down my neck and latching onto my ankle at every turn. If you're willing to become a mentor to me, help me understand our role in Winter's rite, and teach me something you know as an elemental to help me protect myself as well, then I'll teach you Pure Clarity in addition to sharing information with you. I've almost mastered it. As a Fairest, I have a way I can proactive shield myself against things that are being done to me as well."
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Post by Fawkes on Jul 20, 2021 10:28:13 GMT -8
The cracks are audible, a latticework of slivers blooming across his body with the sound of a foot applying pressure to a thin skin of ice—Winter flared with an flash of white light and hoarfrost. He takes a shaky breath, the sound corrupted as it whizzes around shards. Despite the alien fluctuations of the audio, Fawkes sounds present and intense.
"Like. What specifically. Lucas? You don't think I'm. Stacked to the nines with Oaths and obligations? I didn't want to rise and now I have the King taking notice and it fucking scares me. What am I supposed to do here? You want to know about how the ghost works go shove your angel face into a dimension door with Golden Boy, Rowan, and Agrippa." He grabbed the Fairest's wrists, cutting distance and space as the Bastion stutters. "I'm fu- I'm trying to help while shouldering everyone's bullshit because no one knows how to keep a fucking secret in this G̴̹̖̩̥͛ö̴̬̃̂d̸͉̦̘̐͗f̸̧͎̔̾ǫ̶̻̥̳͂̍r̴̆͜s̴̭̀a̴̛̰͖̐̒k̵͖͛̀͛̕e̷̢͈̾ñ̸̨̥̳̈́ ̶̛̭̰̂͛͘F̸͓͆r̵̩͔͍͍͒̋͝e̶̤͒ḛ̵͂̅̚h̷͎̩̬͈̒̍̾o̴̦̬͉̔͂l̵̨͂d̶̘̗̃ͅ."
The Torrent coughs, the storm getting away from him as sand and static diffuse around the rant, and he loses his voice in the roar of chopped and jittering soundwaves. "You're not Blooded! You want to tear apart dying resurrections during Yule?" As the storm picks up, the Bastion starts to plunge into darkness with mounting pressure and tearing oxygen, "I am not sta-stopping you! I don't KNOW what they are, Lucas. No one-" he swore as the swirling black tore across his face, letting go of Lucas as he held a forearm to the raked cheek and blinded eye. The area of impact bled and crackled with necrotic corruption. The attack bulked for a moment—Fawkes beating it back with Dreamweaving as he continued to yell at and around the Gravewight. "I'll give you a fucking Contract and occu-" his arm was wrenched from grasping hands reaching from the screeching and spinning void, snapping loudly as the socket was dislocated, "F- occu̸͙̒̈́̂l̸̮̀̅͝t̷̛̗.̵̭̪͂̐̈́͜ ̶̢̛͓̇ͅL̸̼̳̭̏̔e̸̠͋̚-̸̰̭̞͂̾͝l̶̨̞̮̈́́ë̴̞͙́s̶͉̣͑s̶̡̛͈͚ons. Sure. Whatever! I just- I just need you to report breaches-"
Lucas' own problems were starting to mount, the sand displacing as the Underworld clawed for his own soul. "So wake. Up. And̴̴͔͉̦̱̦̄̇́̆̍͝-̶͔̹̯̈́́" The screaming of the wind was starting to deafen his voice, "T̸̹̼͂ẁ̷̧̗̠̄̚elve hours!"
The storm was scoring Lucas' flesh, like claws pulling him under and away with titanic force.
The fright and despair was unhinged from what the Fairest knew he could manage, sensing the glamour weave in the dream as Fawkes asked for the impossible—his desperate bid to keep a pulse on his job and identity. Lucas wouldn't even know where to start, and his mental health was unreliable to maintain that sort of demand.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 20, 2021 20:02:06 GMT -8
[CW: References to the Gun +Suicidal ideation from Rhythm]
The scene before him made the Fairest realize why those of the Veil needed to take on the burden of others as part of their duties. Fawkes had reached his breaking point a thousand times over. His trauma was as powerful as the elemental magics he summoned. They were just as deadly instead of destroying the outside world like a storm, they tore Fawkes apart on the inside until there were only fragments of who he once was left.
"F-Fawkes."
The Gravewight's voice couldn't break the wind. Anything else he was going to say was wiped out by an audible gasp when he felt the Underworld clawing at him. The images in his brain were as chaotic as the sandstorm that whipped across his body, tearing away chunks of Lucas' skin. Something about this registered in the deepest subconscious of his minds. Usually when he was reminded of his Durance the images conjured started at a dark void that devoured any semblance of life. It was the same darkness that poured out of his eyes in his dream form. Except this time there was another image. He looked like his dream form self except with normal eyes, painted into a child's story tell book.
The first page showed Lucas leaning forward, smiling at a small child, patting them on the head. The words "You'll be okay, I promise" float in the air as individual blocks. The child reached up to grab onto the word "okay" and quickly shook his head. Lucas tilted his head curiously before snapping his fingers and the entire page glowed brightly with the Fairest at the center. The child let go of the word and clapped his hands in delight.
Except as the pages continued to turn, parts of the page were ashen black, looking something had set fire to them. The entirety of the book shook violently, flying all over the place until it landed in a phone of all things. Instead of being a book it had transformed itself into The Plan, with the same desperate, scribbled writing.
Shoot yourself and join us.
Shoot yourself and join us.
Shoot yourself and join us.
Shoot yourself and come home to me, Lucas.
No, you've taken so much from me already! No more, Necropolis! NO MORE!
In the Dreamworld, he held much more physical might than he did in the physical world. He drew upon the Power that resided inside of him to let the light from his avatar flare up like the sun, banishing the darkness that tried to drag him back into the Underworld. He pushed through the storm to grab onto Fawkes' shoulder, holding on as tightly as Fawkes was with the Fairest' wrists.
"Fawkes, you gotta...you gotta make the Seal with me first so that I can come back and visit you. We can work the rest out in 12 hours, I promise I won't leave you here alone. But I need you to invite me to visit you here. We can do this together!"
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Post by Fawkes on Jul 20, 2021 21:28:22 GMT -8
The statement was sealed, though Lucas' innate sense of the Wyrd could detangle it. As he shouted through the storm, Fawkes' grip was becoming painful with the pressure of mechanical joints. The cobalt in the dark was cracked and searing.
"You're allowed in. Every twelve hours. With a full report. Not allowed to tell anyone what you see. Or learn," he hissed in the Fairest's ear, either through pain or frustration as more magic was threaded, "No fucking with my head."
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 20, 2021 22:58:22 GMT -8
"Fawkes, that wasn---"
There was enough time to explain to Fawkes that the offer he was making Lucas wasn't what the two of them had even been discussing. Lucas was wanting to come back to teach Fawkes Pure Clarity, not Sunbanisher boot camp training. If it had even been every week, The Fairest could have gone with that.
But every 12 hours?
As Fawkes tried to handcuff Lucas with his desperation and seal their agreement, Lucas let go of Fawkes' shoulder so that the seal would not take. There was a difference between wanting to help someone and foolishly dooming both of them by trying to take on everything all at once to make someone feel better in the moment. The weight of Riley's betrayal was ever present, reminding him in his waking hours and his dreams the cost of a broken pledge. He would be back again, that much was certain, but for now...he needed to let go all together.
Moments later, Lucas woke up inside of Fawkes' hospital room. The lethargy hit him hard, causing him to stumble over to the wall to try and use it for support.
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Post by Sweeney on Jul 24, 2021 22:01:42 GMT -8
Sweeney wheeled his chair back with a casual kickoff as Lucas jerked and stumbled awake, sliding out of the way of any startled flailing.
The food was long eaten, with the room darkened for the evening aside from the lamp the Blightbent had kept switched on. He thumbed the black streak leaking from his eye and nose as he regarded Lucas' lack of balance, "Shit. Didn't go well, huh?"
The marker rolled between his hands, fidgeting as he nervously regarded his comatose motleymate.
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 27, 2021 2:54:58 GMT -8
The Gravewight was so exhausted that he didn't bother to keep himself standing once he reached the wall. He pressed his back against it so he could slide on down to the ground and sit there. The last time he had felt this worn out was during the Reverent Crisis. Fortunately, he only had to deal with the physical exhaustion and a smattering of emotional exhaustion compared to the 72 hour trauma marathon back in the fall.
"Ish. I got zapped on my way to find Fawkes. I found him. We talked for awhile. Then I got sandpapered "to death" in the dreamworld which is what sent me back here. Fawkes wasn't trying to hurt me during either instance."
He paused to let out a loud yawn before resting the back of his head against the wall.
"Sweeney, what happened to Fawkes? I don't know if he even has a sense of who he is any more."
He murmured softly doing his best to keep his eyes open while they talked.
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Post by Sweeney on Jul 28, 2021 15:03:27 GMT -8
Sweeney flinched.
"I think he got hit hard with the Thorns, or maybe it was the Keeper. He's doing all right for where he was, from what I've seen anyway." The Blightbent was clearly unused to broaching the topic with a stranger, but the Fairest had dug into the man's dreams so in his opinion, it was a waste of time to beat around the bush. It wasn't like Fawkes was awake to get his feelings hurt.
"Total blank slate. I think he was only allowed to keep a year or so of military bits. You know, to make him focused. He doesn't know his True Name or nothing."
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Jul 28, 2021 22:49:08 GMT -8
"He's...he's not a bad person. He didn't mean to hurt me. I promise. "
To Sweeney it likely seemed ridiculous that Lucas was trying to convince him that Fawkes wasn't a bad person. The two of them were in the same motley after all. Still, the intensity of Fawkes' self-loathing that Lucas had discovered when he got a glimpse into the elementals soul had left an impression on him. It was so powerful that to someone who was an empathetic as Lucas the Fairest felt like he had absorbed some of the energy.
"I want to go back and visit him again later. He needs to know he's worth more than his job. "
His voice grew softer as he weaved in and out of consciousness.
"Will you help me?"
He struggled to keep his eyes open to look up at Sweeney. There was more he wanted to say but he couldn't find the energy to put the words together. They needed to find Roger because the Ogre deserved to be saved for all his hard work as well, as well as Fawkes would work himself to death without a proper partner. With some help the Fairest could find a way to at least put duct tape on the problems until they got one of the sunbanishers back.
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Post by Sweeney on Aug 1, 2021 20:10:35 GMT -8
"Uh," Sweeney blinked, "I mean, sure? I'd hope that I'm already doing that."
The Blightbent scanned Lucas briefly, not entirely sure what was going on with him. "Do you need to have a nap in my truck or something?"
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Post by Lucas Chevalier on Aug 2, 2021 20:07:42 GMT -8
"Yeah...a nap sounds great."
Lucas used what strength he had left to force himself onto his feet. Unless Sweeney had any additional questions for him, he would silently follow the elemental to his truck. The moment he was able to get inside of it to take a nap he would promptly pass out from sheer exhaustion.
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